I’m an impatient person. I hate waiting on people. I hate being behind slow drivers or walkers. I’m early 99.99% of the time unless I force myself to be late and even then I struggle, and I fear I’ll have children who like to dilly dally and that already drives me nuts.
I don’t wait well.
Shawn and I have both been on a journey the past three and a half years of God revamping our perspectives and giving us dreams for the future. At times it’s been a arduous journey. Others it’s been one where I sit in the passenger seat and just allow God to drive [not that I don't have any responsibilities]. The road has been long.
I thought I’ve been waiting well, and I’d like to believe at times I have. However, I’ve learned in the last couple weeks I haven’t been. I’m weary of these travels, and my weariness has led to selfishness, and frustration.
In talking with friends, I’ve explained it this way: I’m ready for the exit that will take me to the destination or at least the exit to the road that will take me there. Instead I’m on the same road and only the name of the road has changed. Patience, self control, and more waiting are elements this road requires. The same elements that have been required all along.
I wonder who the person is I’m supposed to be at our destination and why it’s taken so long for me to become her.
I know this part of the journey must happen. It is absolutely imperative.
So I continue on this journey. Being shaped and reformed to the person I am supposed to be becoming. I do my best to wait well.
How are you waiting lately?
A great big tree has a larger root system than what we see above ground. If God is taking care to grow what is unseen I would imagine it is because He has great plans for what will be see by those around you. What a humbling joy to know that God thinks so highly of you that He is willing to invest the necessary time for preparing you for what is to come. I am excited for you! Enjoy the ride!
It is remarkable to me that He deems me worthy to invest in, when sin has deemed me not. Last night at church I was struck by the absolute gravity that the Holy, Righteous, Just God loves me and sacrificed for me. It is very humbling.
I have good days and bad days. It’s a very long story, but I feel like I’ve been waiting to “arrive” somewhere for at least five years. A large portion of those five years were filled with tragedy and grief. So I also felt like I was waiting for the sun to rise as well. For things to get better. To be able to move on and not cry all the time. To wake up and think about some new thing. To be honest, I never really saw the good days ever again at the church I served at for so long. That was disappointing and painful.
And while I do feel like my resignation from that staff position and the birth of the Give Worship Project were huge leaps along the road, I don’t think that’s the final destination, if we ever actually reach such a thing here on earth. I still feel “in process”, and I struggle to figure out where “home” is and to feel settled in any one place.
It’s as if my soul is restless, but for what, I do not know. I feel like I am waiting, waiting, waiting on something that is about to occur but I don’t even know what that is.
Some days I am just like you. I had one very remarkable “exit” and “new road” but at the same time, many things are still the same. Some days I long for just one more concrete and visible step to take place to let me know we are MOVING FORWARD! And not wallowing in grief and pain and frustration. I want to get out of those places so badly. For me, I had become quite centered on selling our home as one of those “steps”. We want to sell it, move into a little apartment, and have more money for ministry so we can be positioned to relocate if God calls.
It’s been a year and nothing. No offers at all. It’s hard to wait.
Sometimes in the waiting we feel like we’ve failed. Or lost our way. As if we’re wandering in the desert thinking, “I don’t want to stay HERE!”. And so I’ve prayed alot lately that God would help me view this moment as sacred. To be happy where I am today. With what He has blessed me with right now. Be thankful today, instead of pining for tomorrow. That is my lesson in life right now.
Your words echo my heart. I’ll be praying for you as I pray for myself.
waiting is so hard. I lose sight of waiting so easily. Like the while i’m waiting i will…..whatever. I wrestle with self-sufficiency so that doesn’t help. I love your line of who are you supposed be and why is it taking so long to become that person. hard truth for me as well. What is keeping me in the waiting room, but i also wrestle with knowing that arriving never really happens either. both waiting and arriving take continuous dependence on God.
ps 27:13-14 is my mantra this week.
I think my heart needed that verse.
my prayer sounds a lot like this: “Lord…please make me more patient…and if you could… do it NOW”.
joking aside, i’ve come to realize that part of what makes the destination fun is enjoying the trip getting there. =] i try to remind myself to celebrate life everyday, coz God has given me plenty of reasons to be joyful. there are times when i get down, but for the most part, i try to remind myself that He still gives me a privilege to live life on earth to be with loved ones here and be His ambassador… when He could easily take me home.
“He still gives me a privilege to live life on earth to be with loved ones here and be His ambassador…” That’s so true. We think we are entitled to God’s grace and mercy. Last night at church our pastor said “God didn’t have to save us. He would have been completely just to have not.” His grace and mercy are exceedingly over and above.
I have just finished a trip that I have been waiting on for at least 6 months. I have been realizing that like everyone always says God’s timing is amazing. I hate this phrase because it is so true. If I wouldn’t have grown before the trip I would have been in a bad abusive friendship. So now I continue to wait for God to show me what the next step is and how long I have to wait for it. But like you I hate waiting so long! I don’t really think there is a solution all we have to do is surrender and try to sleep on this long car ride that we have ahead of us.
Surrender is key.
Can’t wait to read about Cambodia.
and for Shawn to be formed, reformed…
the beauty of marriage is that we are being re-formed together as well which takes twice as long. Oye.
Praying for you friend as you wrestle with the wait.
Know you are not alone…
I love that I have you as a confidant. Your words always speak into my life friend.
Right there with ya! I’m sick of waiting & I’m starting to feel like my kids — I want what I want NOW! But above all else I want God’s will. So I’ll keep waiting.
mmmm, my heart is learning to wait well…with a big emphasis on the learning. some days time passes quickly while others i just want to cry over the ache.
Thanks for the post. Right there with you.