Alece is one of those people you instantly fall in love with. Her story is full of heart break and beautiful growing redemption. She has connected with people across oceans and state borders. From living in small South African Villages to major metropolitan US cities. Alece’s Blog. Alece’s Twitter.
It’s so normal to me that I don’t even really think about it anymore.
Most of my friends are people I met online.
Although I’ve gotta be honest… Using that phrase ”met online” bugs me. It seems to diminish or devalue the experience and the friendships because of the negative connotations it holds for so many.
I never make distinctions like ”online friends” and ”in real life friends”. There is no delineation between them. A friend is a friend, no matter where or how we met.
The friendships I’ve built over the internet are every bit as real, deep, and authentic as any I’ve ever built face-to-face.
Maybe even more so.
Because I articulate myself better in writing, I’m quicker to dive into weighty topics over Twitter, email, and blogging than I probably would in person. Then once that groundwork is laid, it’s a whole lot easier for me to carry on that conversation offline.
Authenticity breeds authenticity. And while there are those who misrepresent themselves online, the majority of people I’ve gotten to know have proven themselves to be genuine.
Being real makes others feel safe to do the same.
And that’s how great friendships get built.
My life is full of them. And I am so incredibly grateful.
I have more friends now than I’ve ever had. I don’t say that to try to sound popular. (Because, trust me, I’m not. At all.) I say it with a shake of my head and disbelief in my voice. I can’t seem to find the right words to convey how astounded and humbled I am by the relationships God has gifted me with.
Because they truly are a gift.
And they have carried me through the most difficult season of my life. Even those people I haven’t had the chance to hug yet.
Honestly, as long as we’re bringing our true selves, it doesn’t matter if we get together in Starbucks or in an email.
Friendships are about connections of the heart.
And hearts hang out in the strangest of places.
Check out the rest of the series:
“Friendships are about connections of the heart.” I love that! I’ve really enjoyed meeting my “online friends” as well. They are real and becoming part of my life.
hope we get a chance to hug someday too, kristina!
me to! i live in Franklin! Surely our paths will cross!
when i’m back in town (hopefully at the end of november), we need to make that happen!
That’s been one of the nicest surprises of all!! We set out blogging, not knowing we would make some real, hangin’ in IRL, friends! It really is a gift.
~Kristin and Chris Ann
it’s been one of the best surprises for me too — so never had that in mind when i started blogging almost 5 years ago “just” to keep friends and family updated on my life i africa…
Hi alece,
I wish I had one of my text books from last year. It had a reading (in a chapter I never got to with my students) about a girl explaining why her online life and friends she meets are as real and satisfying as her “real” life. That being said I’m kinda happy I met you in the one place cooler than the online realm, South Africa.
Peace,
Matt
love that that made it into a textbook of yours. and i’m really glad we met in SA too, peirce!
“hearts hang out in the strangest of places”
I love that phrase because it is so true. I am profoundly grateful for the friendships I have made online. Many of those people have become rocks that have sustained me through difficult waters. Real-life or online there is no distinction in my mind. Thank you for sharing these words so beautifully today.
“rocks that have sustained me through difficult waters” — you and me both, my friend. i feel so very blessed…
wow. “rocks that have sustained me through difficult waters.” that’s pretty poetic right there. and so true!
I love my online friends…I’ve been blessed to meet many online, & some have deeply impacted my life.
I love reading about this topic!!
i’m always so excited to finally get to meet friends “offline” who i’ve gotten to know so well online. someday i’ll get to do that with YOU…
I know! Can’t wait my friend!
I absolutely, positively agree with you, Alece – it doesn’t matter WHERE you meet someone. A friend is a friend is a friend. They are a blessing no matter where we found them or where we hang out with them.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart, as always!
it bugs me when people draw those distinct lines as if online friends are “lesser”. maybe that’s the honest truth in their own life, but i can’t help but think… how sad. they’re missing out.
“authenticity breeds authenticity.”
yep. you nailed it. and i’m so thankful for your friendship – and for real life hugs!!
love you, girl.
yay for real life hugs! couldn’t agree more!
I too feel that it diminishes the value of friendships to “distinguish” between the on & offline worlds. Sometimes, I even catch myself pausing, ever so slightly before saying “friend” when talking to, say, my pastor… “I was talking to my friend the other day, and she said…” and I HATE that I do that. They ARE my friends. I should have to explain them, or excuse myself. How my friendships come about makes no difference to the reality of them.
And I LOVED your “hearts hang out in the strangest of places” We need Gitz or Lisa Leonard to get a hold of that quote by Alece Ronzino
ha! i”m sure gitz AND lisa could come up with something more poetic and pretty than the word “strangest”… and i know what they’d do with it would be hands-down amazing!
love you, jen. and i’m grateful to call you “friend”…
Shouldn’t have to explain, rather.
“Being real makes others feel safe to do the same.” That happens whether it is online or face-to-face. I know the reasons that people will discount the authenticity of online friendships, but I’ve come to experience on your blog and a few others the way friendships are built and lives are changed, because they feel safe to be themselves.
absolutely. that principle applies to all our relationships, no matter where they’re initiated, built, or fostered. and i’m so grateful for it. makes the risk worthwhile…
i think the KJV would say “authenticity begets authenticity”.
so true
so grateful I have gotten to hug your neck 
Can’t wait to hug Prudeliciouses!!! Yay!
“prudelicious”! ha!
HA indeed.
Very well said.
Thank God for twitter. It has brought about a lot of great friendships and opportunities.
amen! i’m grateful to have gotten to know you, even the little bit that i have so far.
One of the funnest/strangest things I’ve ever done was when I got to meet you this summer, Alece. It was so difficult to explain to others about what I was doing. They couldn’t understand why I would go to meet a bunch of people I’d never seen in real life. But I felt like I’d gotten to know you already online. I feel like I’m much more transparent online than in person. Some of my friendships that started in person have actually been deepened from interacting online. I loved this!
i am so so glad you came out that night, melissa. i wish we’d had more time to talk and connect, but i’m hopeful it wasn’t our last opportunity. it’s been such a joy getting to know you!
Authenticity breads authenticity… this is the desire of SO many living in Community (regardless if it is online or face-to-face). I find it refreshing to see live lived in all corners of the earth!
yes… diving into the online world has challenged me to be more authentic in every area of my life. challenging and hard, but so good…
I try to never make a distinction between ‘online’ friends and ‘real-life’ friends. If I ever refer to someone in conversation, it always “I have a friend who…”.
If we’ve interacted online, I consider you a friend (maybe because that makes me feel better about myself, I don’t know…). So anytime you want to hang out and we can make it happen, we can. Anytime you need some help with something, and I can help, I will.
Friendships are a much greater possession than any material thing we can own. And, they are one of the few things we can take with us when we leave this world.
Alece, it has been a pleasure communicating with you through your blog and twitter. And is was great to get to meet you in person; I hope that was not the last time.
I love how you put that. Friendships are a much greater possession than any material thing we can own. It’s so true. We can lose everything, but if we have our friends and relationships surrounding us we are not only supported but rich.
“rich” is right. i totally feel that way.
definitely agree with this – i feel the same way. my husband & i love getting together or “meeting” our friends we’ve built a relationship with online. there’s really no distinction for me.
so well-said, john. and i really appreciated the chance to meet you in person, too!
You are so gifted at being you online or in 3D. I am always in awe at how gifted you are at inviting people to know life as you are walking through yours. Sweet friend, you enable sweet church; just a place where people can be themselves. I have seen that both online and live. I wish you could see how much you are being used by him. he is making life out of you! you make my life rich!
sigh…. thank you, sweetest. seems to be growing harder and harder these days to let my heart go there, especially in building “new” relationships, but it’s still something i desire. (add that to the tension list…) i am so grateful for the richness and “anchor-ness” of you in my life. iloveyou!
im so GLAD i got to meet you in person. your blogs, insights and just the way we check up on each other from time to time speaks volumes to me! i cannot wait to meet @prudychick & @traceepersiko! =]
Yes meeting…can’t wait.
i’m so glad for it too — next time we’ll have a longer visit!
yes, i hope so! i still want to take you to portos! and bring ms. pow-wow tracee along witcha
Holla! Bring it!
me + you = pow wow on the dance floor. holla.
As I was ruminating on this, I was reminded of a recent song I heard that was being criticized for being “AutoTuned.” That makes me think of how important being genuine in relationship is to you (and me, too). That it’s better to have a friendship where there’s “gravel” instead of everything artificially being smoothed out…… the authentic “grit”.
so interesting how you tied this in with that auto-tune story! a really great analogy, lisa.
and i hear you on our heart-craving of the gravel… i am long over the plastic, fake christianity i grew up on.
“Being real makes others feel safe to do the same.”
Well said, Alece. When you can tell someone is authentic it just makes walls seem that much easier to tear down.
people who’ve “gone there” in baring their hearts have drawn me out and made me feel safe to do the same thing in return. makes such a huge difference…
best post on online community ive ever read.
you articulated this perfectly, alece.
one of my highlights, and most prized gifts, of online connections…you.
you are one of my greatest joys and gifts, too. i love how far back we go. i love how far we still have to go. i love you, tamster.
Love this Alece! Have to agree with Tam above me. Best post I’ve read. great job! and hey, I’m heading down to Medford in a few weeks! yay for more IRL friends!
yay!! see ya soon!
YAY! I’m so excited for this trip, and to meet you guys!
you are?! whatcha doing in medford?? love that place, and the amazing people there!
Yep! Roadtripping with Hannah and my girlfriend Michelle. Just really wanted to go on a road trip and meet awesome friends that I’ve met online. Probably stopping to see Jenni in Portland as well! YAY for community!!!! =]
My husband and I have talked about doing the same thing only we kinda have to fly. He’s met Alece & another friend, Heidi, and he knows the impact these people have. We’ve discussed taking long weekends just to meet some of the people I/we’ve connected with.
duuuuude…
TWITTER ROAD TRIP!!!
That’s exactly what I’m doing … =]
that’s awesome!
totally! you put it oh so beautifully.
i am so so thankful for the ways that so many hearts have been connected through this amazing little thing called the internet. it makes my heart so happy to see how these friends intersect paths with me in so many ways beyond just “words on a screen.” i love that it goes beyond that and to see little notes of encouragement sent to brighten my day and even being able to send snail mail to online friends just is amazing! i get little bits of life from all over and it just makes that ocean seem a little smaller. now to just get some more hugs to make it all even better. <3
“little bits of life from all over” — well-said, friend! my friends all over the world are so life-giving to me. you included!
There is definitely this weird stigma about meeting people online. It’s gradually lifting, but its hard to explain to friends about my connections to certain people. In the end, however, who really cares what people care about the origin of a friendship? Connection is connection. I’ve been able to meet and develop relationships with some of the most amazing people. If it weren’t for Twitter, Facebook, and blogs, I would have no idea these people even existed!
Agreed. If it weren’t for the fact that I started blogging and twittering I’d have missed out on amazing people and the influence they’ve had in my life. The friends I’ve made have impacted me in deep ways.
“who really cares about the origin of a friendship” — EXACTLY!
I love this.
I have friends in Costa Rica and Japan and China and all over the US. Some of them I have gotten to hug, but some I haven’t. Sometimes when I’m skyping them I’ll mention to my other “here-friends” that I’m hanging out with _________ or hanging out in Costa Rica/Japan/China for the night. I think it confuses them since they are here, and not online friends. But to an MOTN friend hanging out on skype makes for such a full night, and full heart.
“Friendships are about connections of the heart. And hearts hang out in the strangest of places.”
I love that. It’s so true.
i love the global-connectedness of your heart, hannah. LOVE it.
Alece, I’m grateful in the small way I know you…and that it’s entirely been online. I think, in some way, that this stuff is just a glimpse of what heaven will be like.
“just a glimpse of what heaven will be like” — yes! a comfortability and familiarity among souls that simply doesn’t make sense. i love that comparison! and i’m grateful to call you “friend” too, josh.
I’ve found online that I am accepted as exactly who I am~~~a beautifully silly stubborn messy work in progress~~ much more readily than I am in real life, if that makes any sense. It is so much easier to dive deeper and connect with online friends for me that I often have to remind myself a lot to connect with people around me besides my hubby and children!
I agree that there are so many amazing people out there with amazing voices and amazing stories~ I feel privileged to see God moving and communicating His glory in such unique ways.
And Alece just rocks.
from one “messy work in progress” to another, i’m grateful for you, friend!
xoxo!
Lindsey – it’s easier for me to be who I am, open & vulnerable – my mess and all – online too. When I write for me it’s like I’m writing an invisible audience. I’m an introvert and would never in a million years share some of the things I have on this blog to most people’s faces.
Yep and Alece does rock!
Same here, for sure!
This is an absolutely accurate picture of “real” friendship. No holes barred honesty. Complete acceptance. Love. Support. Alece, my heart is so incredibly thankful for you and your amazing self.
i’m so thankful for you too, shan. so much.
for most of my life, i have had to switch up my community every few years or so. being the child of missionaries and then being a missionary myself brought a lot of uprooting and migrating. finally, no matter where my locale, i can have community. this is why i love my online community. because when i move or change church assignments they won’t forget all about me. as long as i stay present on-line, they reciprocate.
i have great friends both online and inperson, but i would definitely consider both to be “real-life”.
great post Alece. Privileged to call you, and many others on here friends;)
so true, JK! i hadn’t thought about that aspect, but that’s totally fitting for me too. i travel so much, and have spent significant time on two different continents and yet… nothing needs to change in my relationships because of that. what a gift that missionaries didn’t have even 20 years ago.
i’ve loved the times i’ve gotten to spend with you! you’re a joy to my heart, friend!
same here;)
That is such an interesting way to view online relationships. They are a steady, firm presence in someone who’s a missionary, or even someone who just moves often. It’s stability when there may be none down the street from where they live.
Well said Alec…..I have met a few of my blog friends in “real life” and I found I love them even more when I have the chance to actually meet them in person. Making true life friends was not something I thought about when I started blogging but some of these friends have been there for me when I needed them the most. They would email me and call & send me notes of encouragement when they just felt I needed them. I just hope I can be there for them whenever they need me too!
i NEVER thought of this when i first started blogging — and in fact, if someone told me i’d end up making a bunch of new friends i probably wouldn’t have believed them! it’s been the biggest and most amazing surprise of all!
Me too. I love the friends I’ve gained that keep me accountable and encouraged when I need it most.
what a great idea, prudy! love reading you, visited these pages, reading the voices of your friends. beautiful.
love the idea/truth that friendships are friendships and are valid and redeeming and part of Jesus-love–regardless of how they were birthed or in what venue they are maintained.
i know, for me, that blogging has offered a new connect point with women that has been hugely encouraging. it’s amazing how i gravitate towards others who are most “like me”–even in the blogs i read and comment on and get involved with.
thanks for the thoughts on community!
my friendships are so heart-strengthening for me. i’m so glad you’ve found that to be true as well, laura. i know that is so vital in mission work… yet so hard to come by.
Alece,
Tam said this earlier and I agree: This is the best explanation of online community I’ve seen. When you get right down to it, a line can’t be drawn because human beings are involved.
Most of you may know Amanda and I met online first and communicated over the phone before ever laying eyes on each other in person. We celebrated our 12th anniversary this weekend. We can assure you we’re very real.
We found that we got past all the junk which normally clutters most dating relationships.
We value authenticity in our relationships and are naturally drawn to those who are just being real. I think this stands out online and in person, regardless of whether the relationship is one of friendship or beyond.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us Alece. We look forward to the day when we can turn up a cup or two at Starbucks with you!
I hadn’t heard that part of your story before — so awesome to get that glimpse into your relationship.
Looking forward to hugging you guys and drinking some Bux together someday!
I can’t even begin to imagine what life would have been like were online relationships any less real than real life ones. I wouldn’t be married for one.
Both of my aunts on mum’s side had pen pal relationships with their fiances before marrying. They’d only spent a few hours in the presence of their future husbands when they made the decision to marry, but had spent many hours writing, reading and very occasionally calling on the telephone across hundreds of miles.
Online is the new version, and it’s far richer because of the technological abilities enabling the world to get so very much smaller.
i love how small it’s made the world. how many friends in so many corners of the planet i’m able to have. CLOSE friends who i can rely on in a heartbeat. still makes me welly-eyed because i’m so grateful by it all. grateful for you and diane…
p-diddy… thank you for the privilege of sharing on your site this week. especially on a topic that i am so passionate about. i’m grateful for you and for our friendship, and can’t wait to have more opportunities to “talk it out” in an italian bakery… love you.
Thank YOU friend. The pleasure is all mine. I love the conversations that are taking place. We definitely need more Italian bakery moments.
love you, my dear heart friend. LOVE.
love you.
I’ve never been to your blog before (at least I don’t think I have!) but this is a great series! Even though I have only “in real life” met one of my “online friends”, all of the people whose twitter feeds and blogs I follow have touched my life in ways they probably don’t even know. The internet makes the world even smaller and I love that I live in this time where my friends are everywhere. Of course, that does make it tough when you’re sitting home on a Friday night alone because the people who know you best are hundreds of miles away, but it is still special.
Thanks!
Amanda, I agree. I wish I could hanging out on a Friday night with some of the people I’ve connected with online. Thanks so much for visiting.
sometimes hanging out online is the best way for me to spend a friday night…
so glad to hear your thoughts amanda. thank you.