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If there is one thing that God has consistently been teaching me  is to not walk/operate in fear.  The desire to fear keeps showing up in so many aspects of my life.  Even when we were on vacation I feared what if something happens to the plane?  We’d be out walking and I’d fear what if someone walks up and mugs us?  What if we’re in a car accident?  This is strange because I just don’t think this way.  I don’t fret about being mugged or being in a car accident or being in a plane crash, but fear has been doing it’s best to worm its way into my mind.

God is doing some amazing things in Shawn’s and my life.  He’s guiding us in ways we didn’t know He would or think He’d take us.  In a conversation we had the other evening I said that I’m not fearful, I’ve got a kind of scared excited anxiousness going on but of all the things I could be fearful in I’m not fearful in this.

My desire in life is to be like Peter and step out of the boat onto the lake, but instead of fearing that I’ll drown once uncertainty shows up I want to trust.  I need to always remember what God has done previously.  To trust that steps we’re taking that He’s still there beside us.

About a month and a half ago fear completely grabbed my heart.  Steps that we thought God might be calling us to take literally sent me into a tailspin.  After emails back and forth with a friend and an examination of my heart there was an adjustment of my attitude.  Did that make the idea of what God could be calling us to any easier to swallow?  No, but my focus was taken off of what I could try and do, and put on what He’s done in the past and what He is faithful to do in the future.

So not only am I learning to not walk in fear, I’m learning to trust.  To lean so heavily on Him.  If I’m fearful that He’s not going to hold me us I am going to fall.  So here’s to taking steps and trusting that the next one will appear over that raging chasm.

I’ve lived in Arizona since I was three and by default/common law or something I’m pretty much a native.  Patricia lives in LA.  I’m not a basketball (or any sports) fan, but by proxy of living in Phoenix root for the Suns, and naturally Patrica roots for the Lakers. So Patrica & I had a friendly little bet going over the Sun vs. Lakers Play-Offs.  We made a bet that the winner of the series gets to guest blog on the other’s site.  Now you’re probably asking how are you guest blogging on her site when the Suns lost?  Answer .

Click here to read the post…

There are nine years behind this picture.

Nine years of struggles.
Nine years of fighting for future years.
Nine years making a home.
Nine years of love.

On May 26th Shawn and I celebrated nine years of marriage.  The good times, and the bad ones.  God has blessed our marriage more than I could have dreamed.  I love this man more than I did that day when I walked down the aisle.  The things I’ve seen God do in His life & heart makes me fall for him all over again.

I used to write poetry.  It is something I miss doing, but the creative words that would pour from heart & mind to pen to paper don’t seem to come anymore.  It is something that I’ve asked God to put back into my life.

Here is one I wrote nearly ten years ago.

Only by You am I sustained.
By Your right hand you uphold me.
In disappointments and shattered dreams,
You are the shoulder on when I lean.

You wipe away my tears!
Your peace overwhelms me!
In sorry I am filled with joy!
By your grace you have kept me!

(August 03, 2000)

All rights reserved.  Please be kind, do not take or use without permission.

This morning I got up at the normal 5 am to let the dogs out of their crates to go outside and go potty.  As I was doing so I thought of Shawn’s and my marriage.  I was thinking that we have a pretty easy marriage.  Easier compared to a lot out there.  It is of course in no way shape or form perfect, or filled solely with sunshine and bubble gum.  But it’s good.  Even great at times.

I just read a headline regarding the Jesse James/Sandra Bullock breakup.  He was being quoted that “He threw his marriage away.”  I was like yeah.  You did.

For some reason most couples in which one spouse had an affair, refuse to reconcile.  This is of course especially evident with celebrities.  Whether the spouse who cheated apologizes or not, the marriage is over and the family is left in ruins.  Neither party is willing to try again, to repent, and do what it takes to make the marriage work a second time.

Over the past few months I’ve seen how God can begin to heal and cause reconciliation in affair ridden marriages.  Couples who have come out on the better side, working vigorously with God’s help to make their marriage work a second time.

Chad & Sarah Markley are one of those couples.  Sarah was one of the first people whose story I read.  Chad and Sarah have taken great measures to insure the safety of their marriage.  Click the link on Sarah’s name and watch the video.  Listen to what they have to say has a couple, five and a half years after she admitted her affair.

Seth & Amber Haines.  Amber’s story was the first one I read.  Amber’s words blew me away that God can reconcile broken marriages.

Brian & Jenni Clayville.  I’ve only somewhat recently become familiar with Jenni’s story. Jenni had been in an affair for two years when she finally came clean, yet she and Brian are an amazing testimony to God’s healing.  On February 11, Brian re-proposed to Jenni and tomorrow in front of family & friends that have come as far as Australia will renew their vows.

God never intended for husband and wife to separate.  These couples marriages have spoken volumes to me.  God can and does heal marriages.  If only more people would realize that.  If only more people would put aside their pride and apologize (repent) and forgive.

The last thing I want to share is something that Chad said in the video.  He said that their secret was “they were willing to do whatever it took to make it work.”  That is key to every marriage not just ones that are rebounding from an affair.  Marriage takes work, but it’s worth every bit of work.

I made a bad choice on Monday.

I chose to live in an attitude of frustration, anger, and selfishness.

A situation that had repeatedly turned out the way it did on Monday finally broke me.  A situation that I was frustrated and tired of not going the way I wanted or needed to happen.

My anger and selfishness ate away at me like termites.  I couldn’t fall asleep that night because as my brain shifted into drive in the silence of the sleeping world, I stewed again.  I became defensive for MY right.  My night was filled with dream filled tossing and I awoke tired and still selfish.  Still frustrated.

I asked the Lord to take it from me because I was in no position to get rid of it.  I relished in MY will.

I knew that being the first step, the next was that I needed to call my friend and apologize.  My will tried to rationalize that she didn’t know I’d spent the last 24 hours sitting in a kiddie pool filled with the injured aspects of me, myself, and I.  But nevertheless I knew I had to make that phone call.

So, with my stomach in knots I called.  I apologized for being frustrated and angry and selfish.

And I asked for forgiveness.

After I hung up with her I felt instant relief.  I was no longer angry at her.  I wasn’t concerned with what I wanted.  I was glad for a forgiving and understanding friend.

I realized…

there is freedom in apologizing.

I’m not sure if I’d ever experienced such freedom.  The binding shackles fell off like a sinking anchor.

If you’re the one sitting in the kiddie pool with your own injured aspects of me, myself, and I it’s time to get out of the pool.  Ask for God’s provision of grace and apologize.  Experience the freedom!

“I’m Impressed” is a blog series featuring bloggers that have touched my life in an extraordinary way.  They come from different walks of life and each have a phenomenal story to tell.  Read their story and ask God what He can impress upon you from their lives.

When I first checked out Git’z blog, I didn’t stick around.  For some reason even though I was heart broken for this lovely lady, I just didn’t click.  However, that slowly changed.  Something inside did click one day and the next thing I knew I was adding her to my daily reads.

Here was a kind hearted, compassionate woman who was enduring more than most do in their lifetime.  One of the things that stands out to me most about Sara is the amount of grace she has.  While her disease reigns her life she doesn’t allow it to rule it.  What I mean is she doesn’t play the victim.  She’s open with her readers about her daily life and the struggles she endures but she doesn’t point a waggering finger at God and blame Him.

She trusts Him.

I’m not saying she’s never questioned God, because even the best of us would.  But she lives like the Apostle Paul.  She trusts that God can heal her but for His greater purpose has allowed her this “thorn in the side”.  And if that reason is only to show some people across the globe the grace that she can have and the endurance that He gives her than his purpose is being fulfilled.

One day Gitzy will be healed and will be whole.  She will be able to walk, run, and dance free of the pain that has taken up residence in her body; and I guarantee you she will not dance alone.  Her family and friends (readers) that live across the world will dance with her.

Over the months that I’ve daily read her blog I’ve grown to love her.  God has made her dear in my heart.

What Gitz has impressed upon me is to endure in the most difficult of times and to live my live full of grace.  Like her I have a choice to allow my circumstances rule my life or to trust in God.

Saturday night, I was lying in bed waiting for the pleasant presence of sleep to overwhelm me.  I was thinking about blog posts I needed to get up.  I realized it was Sunday, May 09th, in Nagpur, India.

In the quiet of my dark bedroom, with Chihuahuas nestled in their crates I mentally began to sing:

“Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Nikita!!
Happy birthday to you!”

It was officially her birthday, though it was still May 08th in my bedroom.

Nikita, the little girl we sponsor in India through Compassion turned 10 on May 09th.

I wish I’d gotten a cupcake to split with Shawn for her.  Maybe next year.

Painting I did for Nikita for her birthday.

(watercolors on watercolor paper.  her favorite color is blue.)

जन्मदिन फलाफूला

(Happy Birthday)

I’ve really struggled with writing this post.  When Jenny asked if I’d be willing to write a guest blog one day while she was in Africa, I jumped with both feet into the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  I just love (relearning to love) writing.

But I’ve struggled with what to write.  Jenny selected the topic of newness and I figured sure I can do that.  But over the last week as I’ve thought and prayed about what to write about my mind has been blank.  I don’t seem to have a definite newness story.  I didn’t have an affair and can now rejoice & celebrate reconciliation with my husband, who proposed to me after we divorced our previous marriage.  I haven’t traveled extensively and seeming each new day a new place, a new adventure.  My husband didn’t have an affair and leave me.  Trusting God as I relearn this newness of single life.

Continue reading here…

My mother went through a lot of crap with me especially during my teen years (who’s didn’t?).  Things may have been difficult but she has never stopped loving me.

My mother-in-law raised three boys.  I know that in part, my husband is who he is today because of things she instilled in him when he was growing up.

Earlier this year I picked up painting as a hobby.  I decided this year to do a painting for each mom.

This one is for my mom.

This one for my mother-in-law.

Happy Mother’s Day to both the mom’s in my life.

Love – Shawn & Prudence