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“I’m Impressed” is a blog series featuring bloggers that have touched my life in an extraordinary way.  They come from different walks of life and each have a phenomenal story to tell.  Read their story and ask God what He can impress upon you from their lives.

I’m not quite sure how I came to find Tam (aka inProgress) but I did.  I have odd memories of her with teeth full of Oreo cookie while I’d scroll through my Twitter feed during the People of a Second Chance’s – Real Photo week – I would think who is this strange person and why am I following them .  When I asked readers what other women bloggers I should follow the responses were Tam, and I had just started following her.

I remember starting to read her blog just as she shared her story of her abortions and her abusive ex-husband.  Something in her story touched me.  A woman who was overcoming difficult circumstances and walking with grace on the other side.  Many women would feel entitled had they gone through what she has, but she doesn’t.  Like I said she walks in grace.

In the time I’ve followed along in her life from my computer I’ve see her passion.  She’s got a lot of it!!!  It’s great passion.  She recognizes that the events God allowed her to go through when she was younger enable her to minister to other women.  To serve and counsel them.

She is also fierce.  And when I say fierce I mean her love. Oh, and I wouldn’t put it past her to go all momma bear on someone who messes with someone she loves, I’ve seen her fierceness & protection for Alece.  I wouldn’t mess with her.  But back to her fierce love.  This lady loves deeply.  Her kids.  Her husband.  Her friends.  She loves unashamedly.

What impresses me about Tam is her passion.  It literally does touch and affect every part of her life.  Whether it’s using her experience to reach out to other women who are hurting, or the way she loves her friends and family, or the way she kills an Oreo cookie.  My hope is that, even though Tam is only 5 years old than I am, I’ll have the passion and love and grace that she radiates when I’m her age.  Heck I hope to have it now.

Bonus points:  When I was a freshman in high school my family almost moved to a town just miles from where Tam lives.  I was excited because at the time I was being taught at home (was home schooled for high school) and moving there would have meant I got to go to a real high school.

Today I’m choosing:

To not allow thoughts of bitterness to entertain my day.

To choose joy over “just dealing”.

To accept I can’t make everyone happy, & others happiness isn’t my responsibility.

To not let the things of the day get me down.

To be happy.

To be gracious.

Saturday night Shawn and I were on our weekly date night.  When it’s nice out we go to this open air shopping center and walk a bit and enjoy a fountain dance they have.  We usually will sit and talk and enjoy a cup of coffee or lately frozen yogurt.

The fountains butt up to a courtyard area for a entertainment arena.  There is a giant screen on the arena that overlooks the courtyard and fountains.  We were sitting enjoying the fountains dance and splash to great heights when we noticed up on the giant screen was a marriage proposal:  “Trish Shaw, Will You Marry Me! Love, your Silverback”.  This is the exact proposal.  [Shawn's comment was, "Isn't a Silverback a monkey?"]  We sat there for a while and never heard any shouts for joy or saw a woman running away in disgust screaming NO!

I commented to Shawn that I so wanted to tweet the screen.  Then took that back and declared no, I’m thinking more a blog post.

So….a few questions:

1.  Would you want to be proposed to in such a public way?

2.  If you are married, how did your significant other propose to you?

3.  If you’re not married do you have any special way that would beat all other proposals with a stick?

My answers:

No, I wouldn’t have wanted to been proposed to that way.

Shawn’s proposal to me:  We’d gone and I picked out the ring I liked the day before.  They had to size it and add the diamond.  The day of after church I decided to take a nap (I love naps).  While I slept he snuck over to the jeweler and got the ring.  He was rather insistent later that we go to a nice place for dinner.  California Pizza Kitchen in particular.  I thought this kinda weird for a Sunday night but was like, “okay”.  After dinner we were walking back to the car and went to the top of the parking garage at the shopping center the restaurant is located at.  We’d visited this location a lot when we were first dating.  I was looking over the edge of the parking garage wall commenting on how we used to sit there and throw black jelly beans over the side.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed him.  Down on one knee.  Ring in hand.  I broke into tears and laughter all at the same time.  It was a special place for me because we have so much history there.  Plus how many other women have been proposed to on top of a parking garage under city lights and stars?

Your turn:

I had the chance opportunity of a lifetime while in San Diego.  No I didn’t go swim with sharks.

If I believed in stars aligning to correct coordinates causing unbelievable things to happen I’d say the stars, planets, and moons were all in perfect order.  But I don’t, so I’ll just say what I’ve uttered over and over it was totally God.

I literally Googled my way into Alece’s life.  Literally.  I was looking for an image for this blog post when I found an image on her site among the images Google returned.  I was drawn to her like I am to latte’s and cupcakes.  From there she only continued to make a huge impact on my life.

The thing is, I never imagined we’d meet.  She lives in South Africa y’all.  That’s like…yeah very far away.  And when she’s not in SA, she’s living it up in Atlanta which seems just as far away from this Arizona bound lady.  Short of God taking me on a mission trip to SA, I just didn’t think we’d ever look at each other face to face.  Then I saw it.  A tweet from this lovely lady.  “@gritandglory when will you be in San Diego?”  Shawn and I were on our way to dinner and I flipped.  I immediately DM’d Alece.  And wouldn’t you know………our time in San Diego overlapped one evening.  Heidi, Alece, and I set on a course to meet up.

Heidi & Alece were the first tweeple/bloggers I’ve met.  Tam, Jenni, & Sarah had the pleasure of spending a week (or more) with Miss Alece so we had to fit a week’s worth of fun into a few hours.  So we hopped on a wagon and got to it.

Shawn did an excellent job of capturing the sincere heart-felt moments between the three of us.

This pic was just moments before this one:

In the top one I’d nearly just fallen off the wagon, in the second we just pretended (or were they trying to throw me off?:))

We discovered Alece’s deepest fear that she’ll have to become a wrestler to raise money for Thrive Africa if people don’t start giving to 10 Buck Tuesday.  Give people, I don’t think the mask suits her.

Shawn and I both commented though, that our favorite part of the evening was spent in a little Italian cafe in the heart of Little Italy.  Over coffee and dessert we heard and shared passions.  I’d only been following Heidi a short while so it was great to hear straight from her, about her and her life.  Being a mom to three kids and the daughter of a elected government official.  Hearing straight from Alece’s heart, her love and deep, deep passions for Africa – while I sat immediately across from her.  My love for these women grew that night.  No pictures were taken during those last moments but my mind and heart are filled with images that could never be captured by a camera, and will last a lifetime.  Or until I start losing my memory.

Part One
Part Two

Part 1 here.

As I mentioned yesterday I needed some ocean and beach in my life, which contributed to San Diego being our destination of choice for our trip.  We, unfortunately, didn’t have time to go to the actual beach but Sea Port Village was a wonderful substitute.

It is situated right on San Diego Bay across from Coronado Island.  We spent most of Monday under blue skies meandering through little shops, grassy areas, and ocean bordered walkways.

We filled our bellies with Greek food as we overlooked the bay.  I could almost imagine it was the Mediterranean and not the Pacific.

We enjoyed ice cream under an umbrella where a little bird decided to attack Shawn.

It was a wonderful day under the sun (the only warm day we were there).  Being together.  Being in love.

Tomorrow – a chance of a life time.

(All photos in gallery by Shawn, except the Seagull, the aircraft carrier, & the top middle one.)

Shawn and I always attempt to take a trip over/around our anniversary.  The past few years we’ve gone to Northern California and visited his youngest brother.  We love Nor Cal and San Francisco, but we decided this year we needed to take a “just us” vacation.  We decided on San Diego….I needed some ocean and beach.

As much as we had intended in the beginning to have a relaxing, just us time, we soon found our days filled with friends.  And we wouldn’t have changed a moment.

We decided to head up to Riverside Sunday morning and visit some friends and their church.  We had a wonderful time hanging all day with our friends and made new friends that literally had us laughing until we cried.

They’re currently meeting in the Life Arts Center in downtown Riverside.  This September they’re moving locations to better serve their community.

Our hotel was on the border of Little Italy.  We loved staying in that area and would do so again.  The only time we drove anywhere to eat was Sunday on our way to Riverside and Monday evening when we met friends in Old Town.  We walked a lot.

While the hotel was nifty and retro not sure we’d stay there again.  Quite loud.  But each of the rooms has a giant mural on one of the walls.  This beautiful young lady watched over us while we slept.

The hotel also had a nice view of San Diego Bay.

Outside a restaurant in Little Italy

Municipal Building – great architecture

Looking in from outside.  A little Italian grocery.  I was buying chocolate, of course.

And my paparazzi picture.

Check in tomorrow for part two, including but not limited to ocean views.

(all pictures by Shawn)

Wednesday, I wrote about the battle I’ve been fighting with loneliness and the lies that it’s telling me.  Lies that no one really likes me, that I’m not wanted, that I should just give in.

I did not have an easy childhood.  I was the ridicule of not only my class in school but also the age groups around mine.  Those words above that are lies now were the blatant truth from about the age of five to ten.  I rarely had friends and when I did it was the result of a parent telling their child to just play with me or until a new kid at school learned from the more popular kids (the rest of the class for the most part) that I was an untouchable.  My childhood was spent alone or being humored.

I am introverted by nature and the events of my childhood have helped spur that on.  I am much more content to be by myself than with a group.  But as much as I may like spending my time sitting on my couch alone & reading, loneliness likes to tag along and sit in my lap like one of my dogs.

Loneliness is an unfortunate byproduct of introvertedness.  Despite it being your own choice to not engage you can feel desperately unwanted and alone.  It can be a constant struggle.

I tend to judge others actions (or lack of) towards me.  I second guess what people say.  It’s a dangerous road that takes me to loneliness nearly every time.  I am learning – in a hard way – to trust.

To rest in friendships I have whether in real life or online.

To take my loneliness to God.

I’ve been battling loneliness for the past couple weeks.  A loneliness that burrows deep into my heart and sends lies to my brain and back to my heart itself.

Yesterday, I tweeted that some days I feel like the crowd watching a monkey at the zoo, and most days I feel like the monkey in the tree watching the crowd.  I feel like I’m just sitting there watching the world go by and every now and then the monkey gets a banana.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt loneliness like this.  And it was those many years ago that cause me to believe the lies that are whispered silently and effectively into my soul that just wants to be loved.

I’m not sure how to deal with these lies that were once truths.  My heart is so quick to just accept them again, and I feel the tendrils of depression grabbing at me to drag me into its sticky and oily marshes.

So….I press on.  Do my best not to believe.  To trust in the One who only speaks truth into that longing soul.  To seek Him.  I remind myself over and over that they are but lies.

{photo credit}

If there is one thing that God has consistently been teaching me  is to not walk/operate in fear.  The desire to fear keeps showing up in so many aspects of my life.  Even when we were on vacation I feared what if something happens to the plane?  We’d be out walking and I’d fear what if someone walks up and mugs us?  What if we’re in a car accident?  This is strange because I just don’t think this way.  I don’t fret about being mugged or being in a car accident or being in a plane crash, but fear has been doing it’s best to worm its way into my mind.

God is doing some amazing things in Shawn’s and my life.  He’s guiding us in ways we didn’t know He would or think He’d take us.  In a conversation we had the other evening I said that I’m not fearful, I’ve got a kind of scared excited anxiousness going on but of all the things I could be fearful in I’m not fearful in this.

My desire in life is to be like Peter and step out of the boat onto the lake, but instead of fearing that I’ll drown once uncertainty shows up I want to trust.  I need to always remember what God has done previously.  To trust that steps we’re taking that He’s still there beside us.

About a month and a half ago fear completely grabbed my heart.  Steps that we thought God might be calling us to take literally sent me into a tailspin.  After emails back and forth with a friend and an examination of my heart there was an adjustment of my attitude.  Did that make the idea of what God could be calling us to any easier to swallow?  No, but my focus was taken off of what I could try and do, and put on what He’s done in the past and what He is faithful to do in the future.

So not only am I learning to not walk in fear, I’m learning to trust.  To lean so heavily on Him.  If I’m fearful that He’s not going to hold me us I am going to fall.  So here’s to taking steps and trusting that the next one will appear over that raging chasm.

I’ve lived in Arizona since I was three and by default/common law or something I’m pretty much a native.  Patricia lives in LA.  I’m not a basketball (or any sports) fan, but by proxy of living in Phoenix root for the Suns, and naturally Patrica roots for the Lakers. So Patrica & I had a friendly little bet going over the Sun vs. Lakers Play-Offs.  We made a bet that the winner of the series gets to guest blog on the other’s site.  Now you’re probably asking how are you guest blogging on her site when the Suns lost?  Answer .

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