In the quiet of my dark bedroom, with Chihuahuas nestled in their crates I mentally began to sing:

“Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Nikita!!
Happy birthday to you!”

It was officially her birthday, though it was still May 08th in my bedroom.

Nikita, the little girl we sponsor in India through Compassion turned 10 on May 09th.

I wish I’d gotten a cupcake to split with Shawn for her.  Maybe next year.

Painting I did for Nikita for her birthday.

(watercolors on watercolor paper.  her favorite color is blue.)

जन्मदिन फलाफूला

(Happy Birthday)

It rocketed my perspective and my desires to a completely other place than they’d ever been before.

More specifically, it took my heart and shipped it to a slum outside Nagpur, India.

On April 30, 2009 Shawn and I decided to sponsor our first child through Compassion due largely in part because of this Bloggers Trip (Anne‘s posts had my crying like a slobbering fool).  We always say that sponsoring her was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.  And we’re completely serious.  I didn’t think that sponsoring Nikita would change my life, I thought we’d change hers.  Provide her nutritious meals, schooling, health checkups, etc.  But she’s changed ours in so many ways.  They way we are choosing to live our lives.  What we find important.

Sponsoring her has made me fall in love with India.  Praying that God would redeem and save India.  That He would break apart the hierarchy of the caste system and open the eyes of the leaders to the poor dying outside their major cities.

I can’t believe she’s been apart of our lives for a year already.  We do our best to write her often and send gifts.  I want her to be the little girl that always gets something from her sponsors.

I pray for her salvation and that of her parents and two sisters and brother.  This is hugely important to me.

I wear this ring as a reminder of her.  To pray for her and her family and her friends.

She is as much part of our family as our own child would be.  Even across thousands of miles.

As part of celebrating we sent her some special gifts.

A card, a little wallet size card that reminds her she’s special, Disney Princess stickers, My Little Pony coloring pages, monkey finger puppets I found in the Target Dollar Spot, and a beautiful prayer Shawn wrote for her.

We celebrate this day with great joy and pray that we will continue to celebrate for many, many years.

Happy anniversary our dear Nikita.

For a few weeks now God has been laying on my heart that He wants me to be uncomfortable.  It is like that nagging little tickle in the back of your throat, seemingly always there.  The thing is, is that I WANT to be uncomfortable.  I’ve lived nearly 35 years worth of life being comfortable in church and not doing anything.  I want to change.  I want to make an impact on the world that God has placed me in.

­That – means I must be uncomfortable.

I’ve never been to Africa or South Korea but I’m pretty sure it isn’t comfortable to live or serve in a Christian ministry there.  It sure isn’t comfortable riding 3100 miles on a hard, skinny bike seat to raise money for Blood Water Mission – in the middle of summer – through PHOENIX.  Or smelling the constant reminder of death in Haiti as you dig through hundreds of pounds of concrete.

I realized yesterday that being uncomfortable is a hard thing to do (insert obligatory, “yeah duh” here).  But for me it isn’t the being uncomfortable, it’s the getting there.  Like I mentioned above I’ve had nearly 35 years worth of being comfortable.  My parents weren’t the type to live life spiritually uncomfortable.  We went to church, taught Sunday school, taught VBS day in day out.  That was my life growing up.  Now as of about a year or so ago God’s breaking the mold that has been my existence.  He’s given me a heart for the poor.  He’s made me to fall in love with India and long to see justice for the 50 million plus living in her slums.

I am praying now, with more fervor that God would continue to make me uncomfortable.  It is one of those prayers like praying for patience or humility.  It doesn’t come easily or without cost.  The end result though will be beautiful and for the glory of God alone.

I laid awake thinking of you the other night, my dear little girl.  You are literally half a world away.  As I was trying to sleep I imagined that you were playing with your sisters and brother.  Or perhaps you were selling in the market so your family could eat.

As I laid there I went over in my head what I’d do if I were with you.  I’d hug you and kiss you and tell you just how much I love you.  I’d tell you that Jesus loves you so much more than I ever could.  I’d play dolls with you.  I’d tell you that I love your sisters and your brother and your mom and dad -  मां and पिता.  That I love your people.

I’d tell you to dream big dreams and not give up hope.  I’d tell you to love.  I’d tell you I think of you and pray for you every day.  I would tell you just how beautiful and how precious you are.

I love you so much my precious little girl, and though you are a half a world away my love spans that distance many times over.

It came roaring at me two weeks ago with the earthquake in Haiti.  The images of poverty stricken, broken people floated before my eyes.  I didn’t close the websites or stop reading the Tweets because I wanted to look.

I wanted to be broken over these people.

Last Sunday at church God literally wrecked me.  Our pastor decided to forgo communion after the teaching and allow people to pray for Haiti while worship was led.  We watched this video done by Pastors Mark Driscoll & James McDonald who went to Haiti to help churches just days after the earthquake.  Within seconds of the video starting I was crying.  I hadn’t cried for Haiti yet.  All I could do the rest of the service was cry and plead to God to save:  spiritually and physically.

It isn’t just Haiti though.  It’s all children and families that are in devastating poverty.  That is what breaks my heart.  I want to argue with God and ask Him why are you allowing this to happen to your creation.  Why are you allowing the flesh and blood you wove together to be eaten away by diseases and malnutrition?

Today Shawn showed me pictures that Tony Morgan Tweeted from his trip to Burkina Faso through Compassion.  All I wanted to do besides cry for these children, was bring them into my home and take care of them.  Love them.

I know it isn’t an accident that God has placed these feelings in my heart.  I’ve pleaded with Him over and over to break my heart for the things that break His.  This is an answer to prayer.  Yet, I still feel so helpless.  We sponsor our precious, beautiful little Nikita in India and fully plan on sponsoring more in the future.  Yet, I still feel so helpless.  I pray.  We donate to Haiti, and yet…  I feel like there is so much more I could do and don’t know how or what.

I just want to be open to what He has for Shawn and I.  I guess my feeling helpless means I just lean on Him all that much more and He’ll be the work in me that moves my hands the way they need to be moved.

Last night I was praying for our little girl Nikita in India, and the people in Haiti.  Both India and Haiti are amongst the poorest in the world.  Haiti being the poorest in the Western Hemisphere, and India having the largest concentration of poor in the world.  This utterly breaks my heart.  I began asking God to save and come quickly.  I am becoming more and more aware of the effects of sin on our world and our own selves.  In Genesis 3 man fell from the grace of God.  Sin entered the world and all that was in it and on it became cursed.  I long for the day with great anticipation when Jesus returns.  When sin and it’s effects are no more.

In the mean time all we can do is serve God, which includes others; and pray and give.  As I said in my last post I do not wish that you would give lightheartedly.  To treat it as the easy way out.  The truth of the matter is these people need Jesus more than they need money.  It seems like a harsh thing to say, but I’d rather die homeless in a gutter and have been saved by Jesus, then to die in a mansion and never know Him.

If God leads you to give then do it.  Don’t hesitate.  And pray, unceasingly.  My husband and I gave through Compassion Intl.  You can donate by clicking the Help Haiti image below.

For whatever you do thank you.

For Christmas this year Shawn and I felt very convicted to ask our family instead of buying us gifts that they would just give us the cash they would normally spend on us instead and we would be sending that to our little girl we sponsor with Compassion in India.  This was our heart of hearts.  I knew going into this that it wouldn’t be easy not receiving gifts, I mean who doesn’t like to get presents.  But it was really hard.  Selfishness started to bloom in my heart.  I wanted to get gifts just like everyone else.  My only hope was to start praying for a heart change.  I’m still recovering but God is working.

Shawn and I have been blessed far greater than we ever should be.  We are grateful for every blessing.  Part of those blessings is blessing Nikita.  We love her so much.  I believe by God’s providence, we received a letter from her just days before Christmas.  Shawn and I agreed to wait to open it and that would be our “gift” to open on Christmas.  We opened it last night and our hearts were overjoyed.

My life has no room for a selfish or jealous heart.  It was more and more room for loving on other people and blessing them.

This week I’m following the Compassion Blog Trip to El Salvador.  I’m reading the stories of five women and one man who are visiting, meeting, and getting down & dirty with the families and workers that are involved in the Compassion project down there.  The only thing I can think to say is I’m so moved.  I have to read these stories, watch the videos, look at the pictures taken when I’m at home and I can cry and not make a fool of myself.  If you get a chance I recommend reading some of the blog posts.  And if you don’t or even if you do pray about whether God would have you sponsor a child through Compassion.  It is because of one of these Blog Trips that Shawn and I decided to sponsor Nikita.

Thank you to all the bloggers on the El Salvador trip.  You are touching my life all the way here in Arizona.

The end of April Shawn and I sponsored a little girl in India.  It is something we’d talked about doing, but never actually took the steps until we read the blog postings by the Compassion Bloggers that were in India at that time.  I prayed that God would give us the girl that he wanted for us to sponsor.  We chose Nikita.  A beautiful nine year old girl.

Since that time we have become interested in the goings on of this very large nation.  India covers 1,269,210 square miles.  The estimated population for 2009 is 1,198,003,000.  When most of us think of India we think of Bollywood or those hour long conversations with a call center for our computer’s hardware or software OEM.  We don’t generally think about the residents that make up the rest of the country.  According to The World Bank, India has the highest concentration of poor people in he world.  According to The World Bank 42% of India’s population lives on $1.25 or less a day (http://xrl.in/34sy).  That means that at a population of 1,198,003,000 approximately 50,316,126 people live on what we pay for a soda at a fast food joint.  India also has a higher malnutrition rate of than any other country in the world!!

So, I’ve tried to think of India in this way.  Forgetting the call centers and the movie musicals and focusing on that 42%.  God has really been laying on my heart to pray for India when I pray for Nikita.  This is her home for the next dozen years at least.  I want it to be a place that cares for it’s people.  That seeks the welfare of all it’s population not just those who are in a caste that they feel deserves their respect and time.  Through prayer I know that God can change a nation.

Lovely Nikita

Statistics taken from here, please visit the site for more detailed citations.

This is Nikita. She lives in Nagpur, India and is our sponsor child.

For Shawn and I our faith isn’t just Sunday morning (or in our case Sunday night). It’s lived out every day in every way. We’re learning slowly. Nikita is a small part of that. Even though she’s over 7,000 miles away we can touch her life and love on her.