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When You’re Believed In

Your turn he exclaimed. Five year old fingers handing me his altered book art journal & a black Sharpie.

I took them, honored that he would ask for a drawing from me.

“I don’t know what to draw.” quickly passed my lips. “Draw a pony.” He encouraged. “I don’t know how to draw a pony.” I quickly retorted. “Draw a unicorn.” He pressed further turning away to play with his younger brother, trusting that I would pour out an amazing drawing of black marker ink.

“It’s just a magical horse with a horn.” They encouraged, smiling at what had been my encouragement to another just a few moments before.

So I set marker tip to paper & bit back my fears & all lack of artistic talent.

When I’d finished & turned to show him what I took for a mutated, Tyrannosaurus Rex headed, four legged creature, with a horn. He boasted that it was the best unicorn he’d ever seen.

Something happens to you when you’re believed in.  When someone has the sight to see your potential.

It changes everything.

When I left for Oklahoma I had this desire to come back a different person.  I don’t know that I’m a different person than before I left, but I’m not the same person that boarded the plane last Thursday.

I had truth spoken to and into me.  Women who have fought with hope & trust, and are willing to get dirty to be able to walk along side of you.  Women who see your potential to re-hope and re-trust.  And believe in you.

I saw this mutual believing in break fears & encourage to realms of vulnerability & watched as timid joy abounded in new adventures.

When someone believes in you, it really does change everything.  You even start to believe in yourself.

Making Brave Journeys

In the last month or so I’ve been surrounded by women who encourage bravery.  Who march to a different beat.  Who aren’t afraid to do it afraid.

When you have people like this in your life, their way of thinking and doing life rubs off on you.  You begin to take steps of courage.  You learn to fight for your life in a way you never knew you could.

Tomorrow I’m doing something brave.  Taking a journey by myself to a land I haven’t been to since August of 1998.  A lot has changed since then.  I got married.  Started this blog.  Had God start completely renovating my heart and my perspectives.

I’ll meet people I’ve only talked to via social media, email, & Face Time.  Meeting women, who I swear can see into my soul and write out what they see.

When we booked my airfare, Shawn asked if I was going to be okay flying by myself.  I quickly responded of course.  As those moments faded I realized, I am actually scared.  It is taking a good amount of courage to do this by myself.  The flight.  The trip itself.  Yet, in spite of the fear that is there I know this trip has something for me.  I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that I’m going.

One of my friends there reiterated my thoughts this past Saturday, in that she believes there will be some healing for my heart and soul involved in this journey.

My friend Rain calls us warrioresses.  Brave women who fight through the fear.  To become what is hidden in us.

So, I’m taking up my sword (not literally of course – airport security and all ;) ), and attempting to leave myself pliable.  I want to be a different person at the end of this trip.  I want to be stronger, braver, and more hopeful.

Get ready Oklahoma, I’m coming with blades blazing.

When Beauty Pursues You

We are pursued by beauty.  It’s in the world around us from the snow capped Andes in Peru to the wondrous sea life that calls the Great Barrier Reef its home.  A beautiful world hand crafted by a beautiful God.  There is also beauty within us, a beauty breathed life from dust, by the same beautiful God.

But often times we miss it.  We focus too much on what is wrong to appreciate what is beautiful – a fallen/broken world and the magnificent grace of her Creator.

More often than not we miss the beauty within ourselves.  We see our flaws [both physical and not] and believe the lies that these labels tell us.

My dear friend, Elora, has published her first eBook – When Beauty Pursues You.

In it she shares short essays on her struggle with an eating disorder, and the journey over the last year to where she’s come to today.  She shares her struggle to accept that there is beauty within her and allow it to overwhelm her.

In Elora’s own words:

this is for the girls who feel damaged and used and forgotten. it’s a manifesto, in the middle of my brokenness, for those who feel like they’ll never measure up against standards set for them.

Whether we’ve struggled with being over weight or too skinny, too blonde or too redheaded, abused, broken or simply just living this exhausting human life, there is beauty in you.

She {Beauty} wants you to know this and to live this.

I’m giving away two copies today of When Beauty Pursues You.  I believe this message that Elora has penned needs to be repeated over and over again.  To ourselves, our sisters, our wives, our best friends, and our daughters.

To enter, leave a comment below.  Please feel free to share a time when beauty has pursued you.  I will announce the winners on Friday, January 27th.

Where We Belong

I’ve always struggled with belonging.

The tall girl, with habits that pushed me outside the circles of popular and even the not popular.  I was a social plague.  Think Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold, without the mass murder of course.

The desire to belong and feeling like I didn’t quite belong has never left (does it ever).  I’ve spent my life waiting for the hammer to fall.  When you spend your childhood as the social outcast – as the pity case – as the object of humoring teachers, principals, & parents, you becoming an adult who expects the same things will happen at 36 as they did at 6.

So, I second guess everyone’s intentions with me.  I expect with every invitation, every welcoming in, that I will be played the fool.

I recall a friend’s bridal shower that was a costume party.  I was so afraid to dress up because I fully expected that I was the only one who received an invite saying to dress up and everyone else was just coming normal.  I expected to be made a fool.

I put of walls of defense 10 miles wide around my heart.  And those closest to me still have 5 miles of defense between my heart and theirs.  I’ve been hurt……I seriously don’t want to be ever again.

So this belonging without being met and those who accept me [with my walls] because they have their own they’re learning to scale & break down, is difficult for me to grasp.

When you don’t have a history of belonging, trusting your heart & your emotions & yourself to another is daunting.

It’s a quest in vulnerability.

We aren’t meant to walk alone.  We only do because pride, jealousy, & bitterness work their way in between hearts.

When we fight to keep these barriers from between us we commune well.  We belong, right where we’re at and right where need it.

The Gift of Mail Call

Saturday was a good mail day.  We’d checked it after a morning movie/lunch date and only one piece of junk mail had littered the cold, dark box.

So imagine my glee when I decided to check it a second time late that night after grocery shopping to find sweet words from women I’ve never met in person, that touched my heart to its most deepest core.  Love tucked into an envelope with sprinkles of extra love (confetti).

I literally jumped up & down numerous amounts of times in the street.

And photos.  Square photos that hold secret messages to my soul.  I’m learning to journal.  Learning to put the hidden words of my heart onto paper.  Learning that putting them on paper allows me to deal with them more easily.

So these photos, will work their way into my journal.  With words written in silver and messages of hope.  And these words from these brave warrior women, also tucked into these pages.

I think about these women and their kind words to me, and about these pictures and what they mean to me………and I count them among my gifts.

0050 Dancing in the rain & jumping in puddles barefoot.
0051 Sweet, encouraging words from my fellow rebels.
0052 Red leather bound journal & what I’m learning by writing in it.
0053 Secret messages in pictures.
0054 Waking up to rain.
0055 Finding red skinny pants that fit.
0056 Sunset on the Pacific.
0057 DisneyLand with my beloved.
0058 Beach treasures.
0059 Starbucks Via on a bad coffee day.

A Big Thank you

If you participated and/or donated in our Water Drive last Christmas, I want to say thank you, and show you what you did:

 

Our little community helped a community in northern Ethiopia.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  For these precious ones in Ethiopia, thank you.

I tried to tweet this out several times, and from my phone, twitter.com, & tweet deck to no avail.  Apparently Twitter doesn’t want us to celebrate this awesomeness.

**teaser: I’m hoping to do a similar project this Christmas.  I’m working up the courage to ask the, hopefully, appropriate people.**

Choosing Tears of Joy (a repost)

As I clicked the link in Twitter yesterday, I knew what to expect.  And before I read the first word my eyes were brimming with tears that could not be contained the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Blogger Duane Scott calls these moments the hard hallelujah.  The moments where joy of wholeness and healing drips with the pain of loved ones gone to be with their creator.  We rejoice because soon our beloved friend Gitz will soon be healed, but pain tears our hearts over the loss of such a dear friend

Last year I wrote a post about Gitz.  I wanted to share that with you during this time of hard hallelujah.  Gitz is a fighter, a perseverer.  She made an intentional decision to choose joy, and lived every day breathing it.

From her condo in Iowa, she has impacted and touched the lives over literally hundreds of people across the globe.  She’s gone places her body could never go through the power of social media.  I know I can say for everyone whom she’s touched, we love you Gitz.

When I first checked out Git’z blog, I didn’t stick around.  For some reason even though I was heart broken for this lovely lady, I just didn’t click.  However, that slowly changed.  Something inside did click one day and the next thing I knew I was adding her to my daily reads.

Here was a kind hearted, compassionate woman who was enduring more than most do in their lifetime.  One of the things that stands out to me most about Sara is the amount of grace she has.  While her disease reigns her life she doesn’t allow it to rule it.  What I mean is she doesn’t play the victim.  She’s open with her readers about her daily life and the struggles she endures but she doesn’t point a waggering finger at God and blame Him.

She trusts Him.

I’m not saying she’s never questioned God, because even the best of us would.  But she lives like the Apostle Paul.  She trusts that God can heal her but for His greater purpose has allowed her this “thorn in the side”.  And if that reason is only to show some people across the globe the grace that she can have and the endurance that He gives her than his purpose is being fulfilled.

One day Gitzy will be healed and will be whole.  She will be able to walk, run, and dance free of the pain that has taken up residence in her body; and I guarantee you she will not dance alone.  Her family and friends (readers) that live across the world will dance with her.

Over the months that I’ve daily read her blog I’ve grown to love her.  God has made her dear in my heart.

What Gitz has impressed upon me is to endure in the most difficult of times and to live my live full of grace.  Like her I have a choice to allow my circumstances rule my life or to trust in God.

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(original post)

Whispers of Love

Our kindred hearts are tied intimately together.  We breath almost as if as one.  These friendships – ties that bind us closer than a brother or sister.

Our hearts beat and we know the exhaustion, pain, and joy of another.  We know deeper meanings and the words between the lines.

Whispers of love and hugs we only hope to one day redeem.  These miles that separate seem little compared to the closeness in which God has knit us together.

Community evolved.  I don’t fully understand it.  Its fingers have held my heart when it’s been unable to even lift a broken gaze from a barren, cold floor.  And I know from words spoken and those not, we all have felt those grips on our hearts and our hands hold us when we needed it the most.

Thank you for being part of my life.  For your words of wisdom and the laughs that rumble in my chest.  For the simple thoughts that when they arrive have a meaning far greater than infinity.  For your encouragements.

In what ways has your life been touched by someone you’ve become friends with via blogging and/or Twitter?

 

Elements of Grace: Prayer for The Workers

Some days I’m overwhelmed by Grace.  Caught up in the avalanche of it.  Some days grace is like a slow spring day sprinkling of rain.  It’s beads trace my cheeks as I gaze into the sky.

Have you ever stopped to consider the grace that permits us to pray?  A grace that torn asunder the separation that stood between man and a Holy God?  No longer are we segregated by linens.  We have direct relationship with God, Jesus our Holy High Priest.

Today, a friend (Russ) is on a flight to the Horn of Africa for the next week & a half, where he will minister in a highly Muslim populated area.  While there he’ll be assisting a partner of the Austin Stone who currently serves through medical assistance, fitness, and women’s development.  As you may know, this area of Africa holds a very special place in Russ & Elora’s heart as they are in the process of adopting from this region.

His wife, Elora, was also supposed to go on the trip, but due to a Gall Bladder infection had surgery to have it removed this past Tuesday afternoon.

I am asking that you would pray for Russ and the rest of the workers over the next couple weeks.  Pray for safety, peace, encouragement, health, and open hearts both for the team serving as well as the people they are ministering to.  Please also pray for Elora as she heals, that the healing would be quick and without any problems.

Thank you so much!

The Way We Write

I love the story telling of Amber and Elora.  They spin words in to beautiful webs.  Every one of their posts are filled with multiple layers.  Filled with fancy descriptions of ordinary things.  I love reading their words because they wrap around and through me.

I wish I wrote more like they do.

When I was in college I planned to major in journalism.  I have always had a love to write.  Back then I wanted to be an editorial columnist.  I wanted to state the facts and share my heart in an honest way.  My mind doesn’t naturally come up creative words to describe the ordinary.  I have to work for it, and even then I am occasionally left wondering if the imagery works for the reader or just myself.

My writing here is more like what I wanted to do when I was in college:  the facts, my heart, in an honest way.

Earlier this year Jenny decided to take her blog in a different direction.  Focusing on photography.  Sharing her life through the lens of her Nikon.  The words she captures are beautiful.  Capturing a brief moment in life.  They are different than the words I type to create a new post.  The imagery is different than the ones given us by Amber and Elora.  Each of us is utilizing gifts and talents that God wrote into our DNA.

God has given us each gifts and talents that are different from those we are close to.  He made us unique.  For this I’m glad.  How boring would it be to read the same style of writing from everyone.

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