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My Dependence

Last week I went off chocolates.

I did it for one main reason….I’d weighed myself and after a week of eating better & exercising I’d gained two pounds and I was peeved to say the least.

As the week progressed I realized that I’ve used chocolate, among other things, as a release.  It is one of the first places I go when I’m stressed.  I depend on it to help me “get through”.

I realize that chocolate (of the dark and best variety) has magical capabilities.  It can lower blood pressure, the antioxidants in it are great for you heart; and is a natural mood lifter – which is probably a reason I want it when I am stressed.

But my automatic response when I’m stressed, depressed, even happy shouldn’t be to run for the bag of Lindt 60% Extra Dark Lindor Truffles or any kind of food or beverage for that matter.  I recall uttering (more than likely more than once) during my very busy Christmas season the words “I’m not superwoman so I’m having a Peppermint Frappucino”.

Chocolate isn’t bad.  Food isn’t bad.  But if these things have become my go-to god them become bad.

My dependence needs to be on God.

I’m joining Mary and a group of other bloggers as we refocus our attention on God.  We’re making our way through the book Made To Crave (Amazon Affiliate link).

I’ll share my thoughts as we progress.

There is also plenty of time to enter to win a copy of GRACENOMICS by Mike Foster.

You can enter here.

The Look of Grace

I’ve been think a lot about what grace looks like.

I’ve been wrestling with this for over a week.

Because honestly………-………I don’t think I really know what grace looks like.  I think I had an idea – pretty pink frosting & crystal sugar sprinkles, and God is showing me that grace isn’t necessarily pretty, that sometimes grace gets down and works with kneading fingers in the mud puddle and comes up slightly tarnished.

I can’t seem to pour out the words of my heart.  These wrestlings….they hide and rumble around like a thunderous Monsoon night.

I fight to make sense of them myself let alone share with you.

Some days it seems like grace looks like patience.  Letting go of heavy sighs and grumbling thoughts about the person or thing slowing me down.  The cashier taking their time at Walmart.  The old(er) man cutting across into the left turn lane after I’d already moved over.  In those moments the whispers of what grace looks like say patience.

Often He speaks that grace is forgiveness.  Letting go of hurts, of wrongs.  This is going to be a long process.  Pruning.  Purging.  Stripping.  This is the hardest part.  A necessary one.  It is one, that if I’m being honest part of me doesn’t want the change.  Part of me wants to remain content with unforgiveness, of not learning that part of grace.

I really have no idea what I’m going to look like at the end of the year.  My prayer is – of course – that I will look like grace.  That my actions will drip of grace like morning dew.

Free The Captives

It is incomprehensible that there are more slaves in the world today, than at any other time in history.

Today slavery encompasses more than just servitude in a home or picking crops.  Today – young girls (and boys) are kidnapped for prostitution.  Women, men, children are forced to labor for at most pennies a day in fields and factories – so you and I can pay less for a candy bar or  t-shirt.  Children are kidnapped to become soldiers.

I’m not discounting the history of slavery that tore our world asunder.  The crimes committed are tragic and inexcusable.

So many men and women fought to abolish slavery.  What a giant step backward we’ve taken.  The work of men like William Wilberforce & President Lincoln and women like Harriet Tubman & Anne Knight seemingly all in vain.

Today is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day.

There is obviously a huge problem.  A problem that continues to be overlooked despite gaining more media attention.

You can help.  Spread the news.  Join the fight.

Learn more!  Below are organizations and people that are actively fighting to end human trafficking.

Invisible Children – Is fighting to raise awareness of the rebel war in N. Uganda where children are kidnapped & forced to be child soldiers.

Not For Sale – Is an organization fighting to re-abolish slavery world wide.

Scarlet Cord Ministries – Kamrie is a young lady raising awareness and fighting the sex slave industry.  Last June she organized a movement to pray over the length of the World Cup, in which thousands of girls were taken to South Africa for prostitution.

Streetlight Phoenix – Streetlight is a Phoenix, AZ local organization that helps rescue girls that are in the sex  slave industry.

Breanna’s House of Joy – Breanna’s House of Joy is an orphanage in Thailand that helps keep girls from the sex trade.

Free To Work – Free2Work promotes transparency by rating major brands based on their policies to address this human rights issue.

Free To Work iPhone App

Love146 – Love146 is fighting to end child sex slavery & exploitation across the globe

She Dances – She Dances provides healing, hope, and a future for girls who are victims of human trafficking in Honduras.

Children’s Hopechest – Fighting & raising awareness of child sex trafficking in Moldova & Russia.

A21 – Fighting human trafficking in Eastern Europe.

On His Being For Me

I sometimes try so hard to get people to like me.  To make sure they continue liking me.  I go out of my way.  I over do it.

It’s completely unhealthy.  Yet lies, skeletons in my closets, various pieces of baggage have written in my emotional DNA that it must be so.

Yesterday, Tracee had an insightful post.  She asked, “If you believed that God is for you, than what would your life look like?”  I immediately knew my answer.  It had come up in a conversation earlier in the day.  And it continued to play out in my mind the rest of the evening and late into the night.

“If I truly accepted, believed that God is for me, I wouldn’t believe the lies of those who necessarily aren’t.”

Honestly, I can admit that I’ve struggled with God being for me.  Because why would He want any part of a sinful, arrogant, prideful, judgmental person like me?

The lies I’ve been told, the hurts that run deep – they affect my relationship with God.

The truth is, though, that God IS FOR US!  He is 100% all for us!

In Romans Paul encourages.  He starts with, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” and he wraps it up with a pretty bow, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:18 & 31)  God knew.  He knew that we’d suffer.  He knew we’d fight emotional battles and physical and spiritual ones.  So He laid it all out for us:  “I AM FOR YOU!  If you can’t trust that anyone else is, I am. ”

So I’m doing my best to rest in this.  In His words.  That He is for me.  That the lies are just that lies.  And hopefully (prayerfully) over time truth will hold firm in my heart and the lies from my past will fade away.  Affecting not only my relationship with God, but my relationship with my friends for the better.

He Really Wants Me to Learn This

[written 12.28.10]

I’ve joked on Twitter that God is already trying to work in me my One Word:  Grace.  But it really isn’t joking, because He is already moving and has been for the past few weeks.  Sending things my way.  Reminding me in situations to exercise grace rather than impatience or anger or frustration.  What an ideal time to start:  Christmas.

It’s like He really wants me to learn the art of grace and He doesn’t need to wait for the count down at midnight.

Today this post from Catalyst’s blog was waiting for me in my Google Reader.  He is speaking.  He longs for me to be like Him.  He is pouring out His grace on me so that I can learn to have grace.

What a beautiful cycle.

My memory verse for January:

Colossians 3:12-13 (New Living Translation)

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

One Word 2011: Grace

In 2010 I didn’t choose a One Word.  Instead my life and emotions took hold and my emotions decided my Word should be fearFear seemed to take up residence in so many areas of my life.  I felt at times as if i was being defined by fear.  It took hold of me in areas it never had.  So I decided I needed to be defined by a different word.  A word completely opposite of fear:  Trust.

For 2011 I decided that I wanted to choose a word ahead of time rather than let one decide to define me.  The more I prayed about it the more I felt I was called to learn to live in a state of grace.  I am extremely impatient with people.  I often refuse to give them the benefit of the doubt.  I so often fail to have grace on them, but choose to bestow my silent judgment.

I want to be defined by grace.

Here are some of the things I’m planning to do over the next 12 months that will hopefully help me become this definition:

Memorize Scripture.  I used to be “really” good at memorizing scriptures when I had to for school.  Now that I’m an adult.  Well….  So one of the things I want to do is to memorize verses that speak of having grace & grace being upon us.  I am planning one verse/passage a month.  So that is 12 passages by 12.31.11.  Here are the verses in no particular order:

At the beginning of each month I’ll share which passage I’m memorizing.

Read books.  [links are Amazon Affiliate] There are a lot of really smart people out there.  People that God reveals Himself to and gives them an understanding of spiritual things.  These really smart people write books.  I am planning to read the following books over the next year:

If there are any others you would recommend please let me know.

Tomorrow I’ll share my verse(s) for January.

You can also see the other One Word posts that Alece has linked up on her site.

A winner:

The winner of the Story canvas is: Bethany.

Congratulations.  Please email me your address to prudy[at]prudychick[dot]com and I’ll get it out to you.

Their Jubilee

Today a dear friend has a huge announcement on her blog.  Check out her video.

Blog Sabbath

I am going to take a break from blogging this next week.  You can check out the Christmas Story posts and enter to win the canvas I am giving away.

On Monday, January 03rd I will have my first One Word (click the button below for more info) post of the year.  I’ve commented on Twitter that God is already trying to work it in my life.  Have a great week, I’ll see you on the 03rd or on Twitter.

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Story Time : A Family Affair

Our lives are a multitude of stories.  Some are sad tales, some are filled with stomach wrenching laughter, and some are family legends that grow more epic each time they’re told.  Join me this week as we curl up in our favorite spot in our virtual living room.  The tree casting a twinkling glow.  Hot chocolate, eggnog, and cookies sit in our laps.  Our friends & family sit with us as we laugh, rejoice, & begin to share our tales of Christmas.

Since I was little (aka born) Christmas has always been a family affair.  Tucked away in the small house we grew up in or with Grandpa & Grandma & the my aunt, uncle, & cousins in California.  We were always with family.  Sometimes friends translated into family.  I didn’t have necessarily a wonderful childhood, but I remember pleasant Christmases.

We grew up knowing Santa wasn’t real.  Our gifts were always under the tree days before.  The only thing that wasn’t put out was our stockings.  Mom would fill those after we’d gone to bed on Christmas Eve and hang them on the mantle.  Every year we received a new one.  That was mom’s tradition.  And that would be the first thing we’d open once we were allowed to take them down.

Christmas Eve if we weren’t in California had it’s own special tradition.  We were each allowed to open one gift.  Mom & Dad selected.  Even as a teenager my brother and I looked forward to that one gift.

Today Christmas looks different, but it’s still a family affair.  We’re all grown up and each of our own families.  Time spent with in-laws and our own family.  I have six nephews and a niece due on the 26th.  We eat, we laugh, we Skype open gifts with my brother-in-law & sister-in-law in Northern California.  And I hope that in the quiet of our hearts and hope even more with the words we speak we remember why we’re gathering.

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I hope you enjoyed these stories as much as I did.  Today I’m giving you the opportunity to share your own story.  Click Mr. Linky below to share your Christmas tales.

And since we’re sharing stories I have a gift to share with you.  It is a little canvas I created using written word.  Portions from popular books, including Dracula, various Sherlock Holmes stories, Persuasion, and East of Eden.  Leave a comment on this post to be entered to win the canvas.  Contest ends:  12.31.10 at Midnight Mountain.  One entry per person.  Winner will be announced 01.03.11.

Story Time : Cookie Run Season by Elora

Our lives are a multitude of stories.  Some are sad tales, some are filled with stomach wrenching laughter, and some are family legends that grow more epic each time they’re told.  Join me this week as we curl up in our favorite spot in our virtual living room.  The tree casting a twinkling glow.  Hot chocolate, eggnog, and cookies sit in our laps.  Our friends & family sit with us as we laugh, rejoice, & begin to share our tales of Christmas.

I know it’s coming when I call home and I hear the clanging of pots and pans in the background.

“You guys baking?”

My mom goes silent for half a second and laughs. “Yes.”

My dad, most likely at the stove stirring chocolate sauce or cutting shapes out of cookie dough, calls out from behind her…

“We’ve been baking since yesterday morning.” It’s now my turn to laugh as I think about the piles of cookies on the kitchen table, the flour on every inch of countertop, and my brother stealing Hershey’s kisses out of the bowl.

This is all common place, and I can synchronize my calendar on the events. It’s Christmas, which only means one thing in the Jacobson household.

Cookie Run Season.

We’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember – maybe ten, fifteen years. [and that right there makes me feel really old.]

It started small: a few friends, family members, and our pastor. We usually left the house around 7:00pm and were home by 10:00. Over the years, it got more elaborate. Our list grew. Not only were we delivering to my parents’ friends, but my friends. And then when Blanche and Christina got old enough, we began delivering totheir friends. Which, normally? Wouldn’t be that bad – but there’s a secret about private schools most people don’t realize.

Your friends can live anywhere – not just your neighborhood….not even your district.

We had to push back times of departure because it was just taking too long. My dad, organizer that he is, would start working on google maps weeks ahead of time, charting the most gas-efficient and sanity keeping route.

Sometimes…we would be in the car long enough to drive to Oklahoma.

We eventually added in our own traditions within this night of cookies extravaganza. We’d make up games like “How many Christmas parties are we going to interrupt this year?” or “Who can give the best hint for dinner choices?” or my personal favorite, “How long will mama be talking to this person?”

There were years where stomach bugs hit the Jacobson clan, and so the cookie run was cut short.

There were years where the list was so long, dad cursed the idea the entire time only to celebrate our victorious delivery during dinner at the local Mexican joint.

There were years where, after two days of  a diet of entire sugar, we all bit our lips to keep from throwing up on the winding roads of the hill country. [Russ likes to correct me here. He likes to describe it as not "winding" but speeding down roads at elevations not necessarily welcomed by even those with the strongest intestinal fortitude]

There were years where my sisters and I drove my brother and father crazy with our giggles. We couldn’t help it. Locked in a car, for hours on end with nothing but Christmas music to listen to…you’re gonna get a little silly. And many of our inside jokes originated in some way during these mini-roadtrips.

We aren’t the only people who have experienced the joy of cookie runs. Both men married into the family have experienced the trial by fire of Jacobson’s cookie run. [There's been others who didn't fair so well.] They’ve ridden the entire time, eyes wide and mouth ajar, only to look into our eyes afterwards with I’m sure a better understanding of our background. My friends in college heard about these nights all four years – and by the time I graduated – it had become a bit of a campus folktale. It’s the one thing that pops into my head when people ask me about holiday traditions – outside of grandma’s singing bird perched delicately in her Christmas tree.

As crazy as it sounds, and as much merriment and insanity and disorganization goes into one of these events with my family, it’s the one thing I miss the most.

I haven’t been able to be at the last few cookie runs. This year I’m missing it by a thread of previous engagements. I’ll be thinking of them, though. I’ll giggle at the texts my sisters and brother send me. I’ll remember serious discussions my father led while driving through the night roads. I’ll remember my mom’s look of absolute radiance with her entire family in the car – singing, laughing, talking…

And the entire time, I’ll be thinking of future traditions my own family will begin – the stories that will birth out of repetition and clockwork. The stories of home.

Elora is a story teller at heart and DNA.  She is the wife of Russ.  Her heart longs to see the end of the plight of the orphan and to bring freedom to the slave.  You can check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

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On Friday, Dec. 24th, we will have a link up for all of us to share our Christmas stories, and I’ll have a giveaway.

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