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Beautiful Words

October 1, 2010 in Faith, Family, Life with 12 Comments

This has been a rough week.  Shawn’s appendectomy.  I stepped on a safety pin last night.  Lack of sleep. Etc…  I’m a little brain dead and said brain is having to it’s best in 1st gear as it’s Month End at work and invoices to our customers just don’t happen on their own.

So today…..an easy post.  Share your favorite Bible passage.  It can be long or short.  You can put the whole thing in your comment or just a link to the passage.

If there is a story behind & you want to share feel free.

For me, I was turned here by a wonderful pastor’s wife over 14 years ago.  I was on medication for in active Tuberculosis.  The meds were hard on me in a number of different ways.  A few of them being weight gain, acne, and bouts of depression.  This lovely lady and friend turned me here.  She shared with me God’s thoughts of me.

Psalm 139 (NLT)

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up.  You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.  You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.  You go before me and follow me.  You place your hand of blessing on my head.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!  I can never get away from your presence!  If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.  If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.  I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.  To you the night shines as bright as day.  Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.  You saw me before I was born.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.  They cannot be numbered!  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!  And when I wake up, you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!  Get out of my life, you murderers!  They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name.  O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?  Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?  Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

You’re turn:

Trust

September 27, 2010 in Faith, Family, FEAR, Life with 6 Comments

Dew Drenched Fleece

September 24, 2010 in Faith, Family, FEAR, Life with 13 Comments

My day yesterday was filled with Excel sheets, emails, phone calls, and chowing down on baked goods (it’s not even the holidays yet and we’ve had a stash of baked goods at work, I’m in trouble).

It’s also been full of contemplation.  Sadness.

Something that Shawn and I were looking forward to and praying about if we should go, fell through.  Door completely and utterly shut, locked and barricaded.  We were set, but we’d waited too long in some arrangement making.

A trip that would have impacted us in many different ways, including the chance (that had me doing spins of excitement in my office chair till I got really dizzy) to meet a Twitter/Blog friend for the first time.

When Shawn shared the news of what was going on, or not going on for that matter my reply was, “Well maybe this was about us just obeying rather than going.”  His – and probably the more correct scenario – “Or maybe we waited too long to obey.”

Maybe we waited too long to obey.

I’d sent an email to my boss today saying I didn’t need to take the time I’d requested off cause our plans got canceled.  He replied that he was sorry to hear that.  The thoughts that echoed in my mind were me too.

So on top of manipulating rows and rows of our customer’s inventory I’ve been wondering about this.  Were we supposed to go.  Were we supposed to board a giant metal tube with giant metal wings that would carry us to a place that would make big impacts?  Did my pulling a Gideon on God and having Him answer my request (TWICE) and then not having the faith to actually believe it is what He wanted completely mess this up?

I’m trying to to wallow in the did I mess up part, but trying to rectify in my heart and mind what this all means.  If I did mess up, that means confession and growth to move forward next time.

The truth is, I’ll never know what the correct scenario was.  If it was simply about the obeying or if we waited to long to obey.

The One – Guest Post

September 23, 2010 in Faith, Family, Guest Blogging, Life, On Mission with 0 Comments

As I write this I’m currently at about 10,000 feet and jetting through blue skies and across chocolate milk colored terra firma & green patch work quilts.  My desk is a seat tray and a small cup of Diet Coke rests in a cradle designed specifically for small cups.

Shawn and I spent the last 48 hours with friends, celebrating the grand opening of their church.

I’m honored to be guest blogging today for Mary Jo.  Read the rest of my story here.

Paying Penance

September 22, 2010 in Faith, Family, Life, On Mission with 14 Comments

I’ve been saved for 18 1/2 years and fully believe that we are saved by grace alone, nothing else is required.  However, I continue to believe the lie, that I must pay penance.  I must suffer for my sin.  I read in a book recently a phrase to the effect that forgiveness demands suffering.

I found myself relating.

I feel as though I must suffer in my repentance, in my being sorry.  This affects not only my faith but realms outside of my Christian walk.  If Shawn and I have an argument my brain switches to I messed up I deserve for him to be upset with me.  If I make a mistake at work and get in trouble I switch into I deserve the retribution that is spoken, I should have known better.

……….             ….and I wallow there.

It affects my day and my relationships.

I’ll be honest….a lot of this comes from skeletons hidden in dark closets.  Things that I have trouble getting over, or should I say maturing in.

I hold on to these insecurities, these lies because in a weird twisted way they make me feel better.  I feel as though I’m making payment.

Even  though I could never pay, and the debt is already paid.

How do we move past the lies?

I ♥ Compassion

September 21, 2010 in Compassion Int'l, Faith, Family, Life, Nikita, On Mission with 0 Comments

One of the biggest changes I’ve seen in my life from walking this going on 4-year journey of waiting, changing, waiting, readjustment, waiting has been God’s revamping my attitude of those in poverty.

What started out as a small flame erupted into a burning desire to rescue those in poverty when we started sponsoring Nikita.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it till the day I die, sponsorship changes YOUR life.  Allowances you made before, you’re no longer willing to make.  Your perspective changes.

I love what Compassion does.  I love how they minister to not only the children who are part of their services but their whole family.  What touches the child doesn’t stop the moment the leave Compassion’s Child Development Centers.  They carry it home held in precious little hands & hearts.  I love how as I sleep at night this beautiful young lady is being ministered to spiritually, physically, emotionally.  I really do ♥ Compassion!!

As I wrestle with just how God will accomplish my dream to be a rescuer I do what I know I can right now.  I sponsor and both Shawn and I are praying about one or both of us becoming Child Advocates.

Do you sponsor?  If so what organization, and where does your child(ren) live?

Moving Away

September 10, 2010 in Faith, Family, FEAR, Life, On Mission with 8 Comments

I find it most intriguing that fear has been at the forefront of my mind the entire 8 months 10 days of 2010.  I didn’t choose a word to live by or model my life after like Alece’s Risk or Mandy’s Childlike.  It seems that a word chose me:  FEAR!

So if fear chose me, I need to choose faith.  I need to choose TRUST.

God is doing awesome things, leading in amazing ways in both my life, Shawn’s life, and our marriage.  Frankly…it’s scary.  Because I don’t know what lays beyond what’s right in front of me.

I don’t want to live a life that has me dragging around fear like a chest full of concrete.  God doesn’t want me existing in fear, I think that’s why it keeps coming up.  With each whisper of fear…He whisper’s, “Trust.  You can do this.  Just trust.”

So…the question I want to ask is how do we move away from fear?

I wish it was a simple 5 point answer, but I don’t think it is.  Yes, the obvious answer is just trust God, but anyone who has experienced fear knows that is easier said than done.

Today I’d like to discuss how we move past fear.  Scriptures, quotes, etc. that have ministered to you to be defined by courage rather than fear.  I’d also like to take this time to pray for each other and the fears we are each experiencing.  We are instructed to walk with each other, to carry each others burdens.

You guys are a great community to be a part of.

Fear Part 1, 2, 3, 4

Defined by Courage

September 9, 2010 in FEAR, Guest Blogging, Life, On Mission with 5 Comments

I’m excited to have the first ever guest blogger here.  I’ve learned a lot from Sarah over the last eight months.  I was turned on to her blog by Lindsey Nobles.  Over the last few months Sarah has been tackling her fears head on.  You can check out her VLogs on fear here and here.

Defined by Courage

The older I get the easier it is to dismiss real fear as personality quirks.

“I don’t DO waterslides.” She says as she covers up under a towel and sits her rear end on a bench.

“I’m just not a party planner.” She whines when someone volunteers her for a job that she does not want to do.

“Oh, no…I’m not good in large groups of women. I prefer one on one conversations.” She explains when she’s invited out.

But in reality, it’s all just fear. Fear of silly things like heights and speed. Fear of the pressure to perform under time constraints. Fear of the exposure of not being the “life of the party” and having no one laugh at my jokes.

Fear. I guess in the past I’ve allowed it to define me.

I’d rather have courage define me.

I’d rather be the one that someone invites BECAUSE she’ll jump of the pier and get her clothes and hair wet. I’d rather be the one that races her eight-year-old to the top of the waterslide to see who will be the first one down. I’d rather look at responsibilities and performance issues in the face and say, YES, I will do it and I’m not afraid.

It’s much more fun to have courage define me rather than fear.

Fear keeps me quiet. It keeps me stationary. It keeps me glued to the earth when I should be moving forward.

Fear even keeps my personality slowing trudging toward the retirement home someday where, God forbid, I fall asleep in my wheelchair scared to leave my assisted living room.

Oh yes, I will get old someday. And I may be tempted more and more to dismiss my fears and misgivings as just “who I am”. And yes, I might fall asleep during dinner when I’m 98.

Instead I want to be that courageous old lady who gathers you up and says, “Let me tell you a story, because I’ve got hundreds of them.”

I hope that who I am learning to become is a woman defined by courage and not defined by fear.

Sarah’s Twitter / Blog

Fear: Part 1, 2, 3, 5

The Haunting & Unrelenting

September 8, 2010 in Faith, Family, FEAR, Life, On Mission with 18 Comments

The haunting…

As I mentioned in my review of Permission To Speak Freely yesterday I loved the book.  The night I started reading it ended up being a difficult night sleep-wise.  I got only about three hours of sleep total.  As I laid there tossed from my left to my right to my stomach and complete 360′s my mind wandered to fears.  Fears I have.  Fears that don’t necessarily keep me up at night but haunt the crevices of my mind.

I wandered down stairs and got my journal.  I wrote out these fears.  I needed to put them down on yellowish paper with black/blue ink. They haunt me.  I don’t know how to escape them.  Some of them are bigger than others.  All of them are real.  They speak to my life right now.

The unrelenting…

I wrote in Monday’s post that after some circumstances that I walked in fear over, that God gave me courage.  However, if I’m going to be honest those circumstances which I haven’t left still bring out tremendous fear.  Even just Sunday night conversations with Shawn brought my fears to the brim.

The problem with fear, is we know reality.  There have been many times that I’ve had to trust God.  There was no other option.  Three weeks before Shawn and I got married I got laid off from my job.  Not usually the way a new couple plans to start their life together.  We spent the first three months of our marriage having to trust God to provide.  It wasn’t easy.  I remember crying on his shoulder because I couldn’t find a job, and should we go get food from our church’s Manna Ministry.  Despite our own fears God provide.  We paid our bills, met our rent on time, and at times had money left over.

I wonder where the disconnect happens.  When we have evidences of God’s faithfulness, yet we still choose to live in fear.  Fear that we won’t be able to pay our bills, fear that God is asking us to do the unthinkable, fear that we will never be healed.  The list goes on and on and on.

Your turn, confession.  I want this place (PrudyChick.com) to be a place that we can be open with one another.  I want you to feel free to speak freely without fear of being judged by me or other readers.  Today I want you to share your fears.  I’m not talking ones like being afraid of spiders or snakes or the dark, but the ones that haunt you and don’t relent.

Also don’t forget to enter to win a copy of Anne Jackson’s book Permission To Speak Freely here.

Fear Part: 1, 2, 4, 5

Book Review: Permission To Speak Freely

September 7, 2010 in Faith, FEAR, Life, On Mission with 11 Comments

[Today I continue my series on fear with a review of Permission To Speak Freely.]

I had been anxiously, anxiously awaiting the release of Anne Jackson‘s second book Permission To Speak Freely from the moment I heard she was writing it.  Her desire to speak up motivated me, encouraged me.

I was unsure which path she was going to take in her essays, but I believe her avenues were completely different than what I expected.  Over the course of 29 essays Anne shares her testimony of being silenced by church folk and shares her testimony and others’ testimonies of being able to confess.

Many of the essays I read through tear blurry eyes as I related with my own stories.  She shares her heart and allows you to walk with her as she gives voice to silence.

She bookends segments of essays with art and poetry.  Beautiful art with tragic confessions submitted by those who wanted to speak freely.

………………

The book is a fairly quick read, though as I mentioned a meaningful one.  Anne’s words weave a beautiful story.

I highly recommend reading it especially if you’ve experienced being silenced.

Visit the Permission To Speak Freely website here.

Give away:  I am giving away a copy of Permission To Speak Freely to one reader.  If you wish to be entered for a chance to receive the book, please leave a comment below.  The contest will be open until Saturday at 6 PM Pacific, and the winner announced on Tuesday, September 14th.  I will choose the winner via random number generator.

I review for BookSneeze

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

**Confession images from Permission To Speak Freely used with permission by Anne Jackson

Fear Part: 1, 3, 4, 5

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