A Dangerous Road
I get intimidated by people.
Will they like me?
What if they don’t correspond with me?
What if I’m just another number in their count of followers?
What if they’re only humoring me?
The other day I was realizing just how these feelings affect me. I’ll not interact, or follow people on Twitter because of this.
Because you see….I have been/am that to some people. Or is that just my perspective?
Example:
I’d seen Tracee re-tweet many different times Stephanie, but I never followed Stephanie. Until a few days ago. I decided to just click “Follow” already. Why had I never clicked follow before? Intimidation. Fear [oh there is THAT word again]. Uncomfortableness. A whole string of what if’s: i don’t measure up, she doesn’t like me, doesn’t correspond with me, etc. etc. etc. etc.
But I did it. I followed her.
And guess what….I think she likes me. She corresponds with me. Makes comments about my random little tweets.
………………………and she’s incredibly sweet.
It’s easy for me to hide behind my computer. To not allow myself to connect. To not allow myself to be in a vulnerable spot, while at the same time being vulnerable in other ways when I write. The fear of rejection and measuring my worth by people’s interaction with me: it’s a dangerous road.
One thing I’ve really seen and in part learned over the last week as I’ve re-read these ladies stories, is that community accepts you for who you are, but also walks along side of you every step of the way. If I let myself be a wallflower the way I so often am in real life away from the computer, I’ll experience the same feelings of rejection and fear.
I can’t we can’t allow our feelings, our perceived perceptions of what others may possibly think of us rule our lives. If we do we not only can, but will miss out on amazing opportunities. The problem………I’m guilty of this. It seems to be an innate part of my DNA. I will continue to struggle with this. I will never be the extrovert that clicks follow every time or says hello to someone first.
: | : I’d finished this post this past Friday. I thought it was done. Sunday morning Shawn and I were headed to breakfast with my family and then to a farm/kids amusement ride thingy. I was checking Twitter as the white lines of the freeway passed our tires. I read THIS tweet by Mandy Steward and it perfectly described what I was trying to say. Therefore… : | :
I’m messy by nature. (Shawn is the neat/clean/perfectionist one) Sometimes my mess is organized. Sometimes my mess is just clutter. I don’t necessarily enjoy the clutter but live with it. Mess though can be defined in a different ways…in relation to Mandy’s tweet and my topic here…it’s the mess of comfortableness, of rejection. By not stepping into what I view as a “mess” I set myself up for missing out. Whether it’s blessings, new friends, a word of wisdom, a laugh, etc. and all these reciprocated.
Shall we live just a little bit messy?
Do you struggle with this?
So in an effort to not be an online wallflower, give me one or two people’s Twitter names that you don’t think I follow.
Here’s mine contribution:
Manda: Thereisatime
Manda is a storyteller with every blog post she writes. Her posts are deep, passionate, and challenging.
(photo by Shawn)
Community
I’m an introvert, it’s difficult for me to make friends. To put myself out there, well it’s hard. Online it’s a bit easier.
When I got the inkling to do this series I started talking about it with Jenny. We’d discussed on many occasions how we’ve both been blessed by the people we’d connected with through blogging and Twitter. We’d both experienced and developed deep and meaningful relationships not only with each other but with people around the world.
Many people don’t get it. Don’t get the connection between two people who have never met that live on opposite sides of the world. And that’s okay. I don’t get the connection between two football fans, whose bodies are painted with their team’s colors standing in a form of community as they cheer their team on, but that doesn’t mean that connection isn’t there.
Over the last year or so I’ve watched as my local friendships, community have waned. Friends we always hung out with we rarely get together with. Other confidants – the return of phone calls ceased to exist. As these relationships became less close, those online became closer. I met new friends that I would soon end up pouring my heart and soul out to over email and Skype and text. I had new friends that were genuinely interested in me and my struggles and joyous celebrations of the faith. That spent time with head bowed in fervent prayer for me.
This was oh so evident four weeks ago as I tweeted asking for prayer giving no details, only to receive DM after DM from friends saying they were praying and giving their cell numbers telling me to call no matter the time. Friends that continued to pray as we found out Shawn needed an emergency appendectomy. Prayed for him and for me.
As my tangent friendships became fewer, God brought ones that I couldn’t touch but that have met me where I’ve been.
Last week at work I was thinking about the people who say you can’t have deep, meaningful relationships with people online. I started thinking about Paul. The apostle, the missionary, the church planter extraordinaire. I realized that he had deep, meaningful, passionate relationships with the congregations of the churches he helped start. Some of the people he knew, but as the churches grew more he did not. Yet he still had connection and community even with those people. His letters to them were full of love, correction, and passion for who these people were and their relationship with Christ. To either him or the people in the church the miles in between and the the never having met didn’t matter. They still loved. They still had community.
I’ve been blessed by so many. My life has been touched and challenged. You’ve caused me to think. To pray. To cry. I’ve hurt when you hurt. Rejoiced when you’ve rejoiced.
Thank you for being community.
A very special thank you to Tammy, Elora, Alece, Jenni, Jenny, & Jen(ny) for joining me in this celebration over the last week. I’m am enthralled to “know” each of you. I can’t wait to meet over coffee, dinner, across a living room. To hug you long and fierce. To say in person what each of you mean to me. I am beyond blessed.
With love…Prudy
Community – Jenny Rain
Jenny has become one of my closest confidants over the last few months. She’s someone I text when I’m battling a bad mood. We have Skype dates and though our pups have never met, they’re best pup friends. Jenny’s blog. Jenny’s Twitter.
We’ve talked this week about online community.
Is it real?
Is it sustainable?
Does it make a difference and if so, how?
We have heard personal stories, watched beautiful connections develop, and listened as people have expressed why they feel online community is real or at least real to them.
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Yet is online community practical?
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Because at the end of the day, as much as we love the mooshy-gooshy feel good stuff, we all have lives to live, mouths to feed, and tasks to complete.
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My left-brain wants to know if online community works.
I want to know if online community makes an impact in our practical, everyday life?
I believe that it can and it is.
True Biblical community is supposed to be about life change and life change is exactly what is happening in these online communities.
When Tam received a new bed from her online community and she began sleeping through the night for the first time in years.
When Elora and Russ shared on their blog some of their very-real financial struggles and watched as a community of folks showed up with practical assistance.
When Alece stepped off the plane into the awaiting arms of an online community she was meeting IRL for the first time… and then watched as God used that community to support her through the crucible of a valley-experience AND came together at a bloggers meet up to raise funds for Thrive Africa, a ministry she started in Africa.
When Jenni and Brian renewed their vows surrounded by several of their best friends – who two years prior had only been known to them across the blogosphere.
When Gitz was surrounded by the (in)courage reader community during the loss of her sweet father.
And as several of us have made the trek overseas on mission, how a loving online community came together to pray for our journeys and do guest posts while we were gone.
True biblical community is what the church is called to be to each other.
Church is happening online.
It is powerful. It is real. It is good…
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In closing… I will share my unfolding story of the power of online community in creating life-change.
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I am a regular reader at the Ragamuffin community, not only because Carlos (@loswhit aka Los) is hilarious and impacting simultaneously, but also because the group of Ragamuffins there are really good peeps.
For the last several months I have been looking, praying, researching for a DSL camera because I want to be able to capture the essence of “moments” whether they are on the field in Africa or in my back-yard.
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Last week Carlos posted a blog entitled Share your Photos and Gear and the Ragamuffins shared!
One reader – Jay – shared this:
To which I replied:
Two hours later – I had purchased a Nikon D700 and it is on its way to me TODAY!
Just in time for my Burundi trip next week
With camera case, strap, and a gogillian memory cards thrown in out of the goodness of Jay’s heart.
All at a great discount “Because I was a fellow Ragamuffin”
Not once was I worried that he was a scammer, because he was a part of this great community I loved {Plus, knowing Los and the community, if Jay was a scammer… the community would have united in protest!}
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So now I have the big-girl camera I’ve been looking for just in time for my Burundi trip at a cost that I could not have even gotten on e-bay.
A practical-solution to an every day need.
A solution generated by online community.
An event that will undoubtedly be transformational as I step into this new season of my life.
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Does online community work?
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Yes.
All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. Acts 4.32 (NLT)
Community – Jen Sparks
I connected with Jen through Alece. It was through a video stream interview with Alece that I made my first Twitter friend in OZ. I love the how she shares her experiences over miles/kilometers of oceans. Jen’s Blog. Jen’s Twitter.
Bloggy-Twitterverse Interwebs
I opened my first online diary on August 17th 2004.
You have real friends too, you know
How do you know they are genuine?
How can you feel so deeply about them? You don’t know them.
He felt I was hiding myself away from “real life”. That I was hiding behind a persona… and that so was everyone else.
Lets take a look at those arguments
Firstly, we need to define real.
A couple of definitions there are
1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality
2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal
3. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious
But the one I loved the most is
Existing objectively in the world regardless of subjectivity or
conventions of thought or language
I talked with these people on AIM (seriously, does anyone still use that? I think it died when Xanga did) all the time. We left comments on each others posts. We edified and uplifted. We mourned and rejoiced as needed. We were as authentic, if not more so, as face to face relationships. I prayed for them just as much as I did the ones I could hang out with.
I heard it mentioned once, that friends made through social media, whether by blog comments, forums or twitter (to name a few) are just the modern day pen-pals.
LOVE that. It makes so much sense.
I have a new circle of online friends now, as relationships change and graduate and do what they do, though I do have some that I am still in contact with and are still friends as ever. Same as I am no longer in contact with some people who live in my town, or went to my church, or whom I went to school with. Some hung around, others didn’t.
I have been so fortunate in the last year or so, for I have encountered some of the most godly, inspiring, authentic people I’ve ever come across, on line or in my immediate vicinity. It’s exciting to wonder why God had us all sort of discover each other around the same-ish time (though, I was a little late to the party)… and why we all fell into relationship so quickly and easily. I feel like it’s like we all found little bits of our hearts in others…
God is moving, and He’s using social media to do it.
We are being gathered. We are being called. We are being equipped. We are being encouraged. We are being sent out, in our own way, with our own stories.
For example:
There are people who are helping to guide others out of the dark. Some quietly weave stories of Jesus into everyday life. There are those who are showing that affairs don’t have to mean divorce, and those who beautifully show you how to walk when it does. Pastors and communicators have jumped on board too, knowing the far reaching benefits. Some make me laugh out loud every time, and then there are those who share their trials and pain and grief with such grace and poise it causes you to look deep into your own heart and take stock.
All these people proclaim Jesus with every press of a letter. With every tweet, every ‘publish post’.
We are creating a community of believers. There is no condemnation or fear.
I believe that’s called church.
The best thing about all of this, is that Adam has joined in.
And he didn’t just do it to spy. He converses with people, and is slowly, in his own way, building his own relationships with those whom have become so dear to me. His entering my online world meant more to me than pretty well anything he has ever done.
And now he gets it.
The rest of the series:
Tammy ……… Alece ………Elora ……… Jenni Clayville ……… Jenny Schmitz
Community – Jenni Clayville
Jenni’s story inspires me in what community is and should be. It is a story full of grace and redemption. I’m inspired also by how she’s opened her home and heart to people she’s met on Twitter and blogging for months at a time. Jenni’s blog. Jenni’s Twitter.
If someone told me that I would have found some of my closest and most trusted friends via social media 5 years ago… I would have laughed in their faces.
I’ve always had friends. It’s always been important to me to be surrounded by people. But no matter how surrounded I was, I usually felt pretty alone. However, I believed as long as I was surrounded, then at LEAST I would look normal… whatever that means.
It wasn’t until I confessed my BIGGEST MORAL FAILURE, did I begin to realize how alone I really was.
Besides about 5 friends, the friends I had, or use to have, around me no longer seemed interested in being around me. I’m not sure if it was because they were hurt by my decisions, didn’t want to be associated with such a public sinner or if it was because they just didn’t know what to say. Whichever way, I totally understood and counted it as a consequence to my poor choices.
I was alone. I was hurting.
But then God.
God took this time to not only reveal loving friends I never new existed, but He showed me who my real friends were. My true “besties” rose to the surface. And guess where many of us had met?
… ON EACH OTHERS BLOGS AND ON TWITTER.
These people not only prayed for Brian and my restoration, but they called, emailed, texted and encouraged us. There were days I wasn’t sure I had a friend in the world. Heck… my husband didn’t even like me. And I deserved it. And at those darkest moments, Trish or Tam would call. Or Crystal would text. Or Diane would DM me (just to name a few). And I knew…
… Though I was lonely… I wasn’t alone.
Last May, Brian and I renewed our vows. Our ceremony was intentionally VERY small. We only invited the people we felt were instrumental in our healing process. Our angels.
For the first time ever, I feel filled and surrounded more often than I feel alone. Life is SO different now.
“Human life in common is only made possible when a majority comes together which is stronger than any separate individual and which remains united against all separate individuals. The power of this community is then set up as “right” in opposition to the power of the individual, which is condemned as “brute force.”" ~ Sigmund Freud
Community has nothing to do with what is around you as much as it includes WHO has infiltrated your heart.
Community is who you let in.
Community is a reflection of you when you finally choose to be real and honest about who YOU are.
Community is what you were born to be.
The rest of the series:
Community – Elora
I think Elora and I are sisters from different mothers. We share the same heart for those far from God, those in poverty and orphaned. I’m not sure when or how we connected – I think she commented on my blog & then I checked her’s out and never left. We text, we email, we twitter. We almost met in real life a few weeks ago until some other things happened 
. One day we will meet, New Mexico cannot stand in our way. 
Elora’s blog. Elora’s twitter.
Sometimes, when I’m talking to other people, I hear how crazy it sounds. I see the questions in their eyes. You have friends….online? And I get it. I get the ridiculous bent of their eyebrows as they fight laughing at me.
But I also get they just don’t understand.
The truth: My husband & I are part of a community of believers where even though we have never met in person, if at any point a need arose, we’d be there in a heartbeat.
Why? Because we’ve experienced the unquestionable generosity of these friends more than once.
Last year, Russ & I went through a period of time where everything around us was going haywire. Without any warning, we found ourselves in a state of limbo where spiritually we knew what God wanted of us, but physically? We just didn’t see any way. And then Russ wrote this post. He didn’t write it in order to spark a catalyst of compassion on our behalf. He wrote it out of honesty and conviction.
Within 24 hours, our community of friends gathered around us and began to support us through this difficult time.
Our friend Dave Ingland, whom we met on twitter earlier in the year through Idea Camp, posted a challenge on his blog – asking for prayer & support on our behalf. We didn’t even realize what was going on and before we knew it, we were receiving text messages, DM’s, and @reply’s from people all over the US letting us know we were in their prayers. Later that week a donation was sent to our paypal with the exact amount we would need for bills. We never even asked – never even considered praying for God to do something. We knew we were in a place where faith was essential, but the thought of people online coming to our aid just didn’t cross our mind. But God’s provision didn’t stop there.
Later that month, a friend we knew through Invisible Children who read Russ’ post sent us the cash she found in her purse. The day we got her letter in the mail, we spent the last of our cash buying prescriptions at the pharmacy. Opening the letter and finding the exact amount we just spent was one of the richest moments of our marriage. I remember reading her words of encouragement and feeling God’s presence – hearing Him whisper, “I’m here. Keep going.”
And we did.
Russ & I knew before this the power of online community. We knew, through events like The Rescue, what can happen when people join together and use social media for good. We never experienced it personally though – and at such a neck-breaking velocity. Suddenly, we looked at eachother and realized, “oh. so this is community. This is what it looks like to give so someone else can have…”
Since the spring, we’ve grown considerably. Not only has God revealed to us the power of online community, He’s blessed us with an incredible in-house group of friends who challenge and walk hand-in-hand with us daily. As I’m writing this, I’m texting my friends, planning a pancake supper with one of our kids & his mama and tweeting at people from across the country – encouraging them in what they learned at church. Never before has the church had this capability to connect at such a constant level. It’s exciting.
And challenging.
When we came back from Africa this past summer, my heart suffered for weeks. I mean, there were things I experienced I probably won’t ever find words for – and it showed. My blogs frequented the topic and danced around the trip, trying to find the perfect way to describe the change in my heart. My tweets revealed my struggle with culture shock – the discrepancy between our excess and their need – it was just too much. And while I was at home, it was bearable. I knew I could call one of my friends who understood and we could go grab coffee. But then I left town for a teachers’ conference…and where those around me wouldn’t understand because they weren’t there – my friends online stood in the gap. Not a day went by without an e-mail or DM or personal card (thanks, Prudy) encouraging me and lifting me in prayer. Processing a trip is difficult enough with other people – but it’s absolutely impossible doing it on your own. Without my friends coming together and praying for me, I’m not sure how I would have made it through that week.
I know there may be a few people who won’t ever understand our relationship with these people we’ve never met. I know we still may receive odd looks when we share the latest story of someone who we’ve been connected with through twitter staying at our house. But…we’ve grown to accept the furrowed brows and shakes of the head with a grain of salt. Once these people experience the encouragement, prayer, support and genuine concern we’ve experienced – and once they witness the stories coming from around the country of people joining together to make a difference – then they will see the possibility.
The rest of the series:
Tammy ……… Alece ………Jenni Clayville ……… Jen Sparks ……… Jenny Schmitz
Community – Alece
Alece is one of those people you instantly fall in love with. Her story is full of heart break and beautiful growing redemption. She has connected with people across oceans and state borders. From living in small South African Villages to major metropolitan US cities. Alece’s Blog. Alece’s Twitter.
It’s so normal to me that I don’t even really think about it anymore.
Most of my friends are people I met online.
Although I’ve gotta be honest… Using that phrase ”met online” bugs me. It seems to diminish or devalue the experience and the friendships because of the negative connotations it holds for so many.
I never make distinctions like ”online friends” and ”in real life friends”. There is no delineation between them. A friend is a friend, no matter where or how we met.
The friendships I’ve built over the internet are every bit as real, deep, and authentic as any I’ve ever built face-to-face.
Maybe even more so.
Because I articulate myself better in writing, I’m quicker to dive into weighty topics over Twitter, email, and blogging than I probably would in person. Then once that groundwork is laid, it’s a whole lot easier for me to carry on that conversation offline.
Authenticity breeds authenticity. And while there are those who misrepresent themselves online, the majority of people I’ve gotten to know have proven themselves to be genuine.
Being real makes others feel safe to do the same.
And that’s how great friendships get built.
My life is full of them. And I am so incredibly grateful.
I have more friends now than I’ve ever had. I don’t say that to try to sound popular. (Because, trust me, I’m not. At all.) I say it with a shake of my head and disbelief in my voice. I can’t seem to find the right words to convey how astounded and humbled I am by the relationships God has gifted me with.
Because they truly are a gift.
And they have carried me through the most difficult season of my life. Even those people I haven’t had the chance to hug yet.
Honestly, as long as we’re bringing our true selves, it doesn’t matter if we get together in Starbucks or in an email.
Friendships are about connections of the heart.
And hearts hang out in the strangest of places.
Check out the rest of the series:
Community – Tammy
I’m hosting a series this week and the first part of next on community found through social media (Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, etc.). I’m super excited about each lady that is posting here this week. They are remarkable in their own beautiful way. One I’ve met and the other five I can’t wait to. I believe that God has allowed social media to serve as a place where community is fostered. Please welcome these ladies as they share their experiences and feel free to share your thoughts each day. – Prudy
Tammy is someone I find quirky, and someone I think of as more my age than her nearly 4-0 (5 yrs of difference so I guess we’re kind of the same age). I have a great deal of respect for this lovely lady. Tam’s blog. Tam’s Twitter.
I live in a small town. A very small town. It seems everyone knows everyone here. If you were born here…you die here. If you weren’t born here, you came here to retire…then die.
The rest of the series:
Alece ………Jenni Clayville ……… Jen Sparks ……… Jenny Schmitz
Friday – Winner
I’m super excited about today’s winner. She’s gonna be super excited too.
She asked me jokingly to rig the contest…and well I didn’t even have to.
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Congrats Jenny Sparks!!!
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Email me your address to prudy at prudychick.com.
Thanks to everyone who participated this week. Next week I have a series next week that I’m excited about.
Have a great weekend all.
Worth All the Money and More
I want to scoff at those who think child sponsorship doesn’t work. Those who think that their money can be spent better elsewhere than on those who Jesus commanded us to take care of.
Yesterday we received an updated picture of Nikita. The young girl we sponsor through Compassion. We’ve sponsored her for nearly a year and a half now. I love that God has allowed her to be a part of our lives. This young lady who loves dogs, calls us Uncle and Aunt, always sends hugs and kisses for us and our doggies. This young lady who in part we think of almost like a daughter.
The photo we received yesterday showed her with a study desk that she was able to buy with money we’d sent for her birthday. The initial picture in her sponsorship packet show a sad, maybe even scared little girl has been replaced with a smiling, happy young lady. As soon as I saw her picture my eyes brimmed with tears. I couldn’t believe the change.
Sponsorship works. It works for them and it works for those who sponsor. Every monthly amount, every birthday gift, every family gift, every care package with stickers, coloring pages, paper dolls, puppets, construction paper, little books…..
All of it is worth it!
about me
Prudence is a 30-something writer who lives in Arizona with her husband Shawn and their chihuahuas Lengua and Zeus. She writes her life, her experiences and her crawl back to hope. Eventually, she hopes to visit India – a place that’s captured her heart without ever stepping foot on the soil.