That means for me taking intentional, well placed steps.  Steps, I know that will lead me to a door step that lead to the one place I solely in my heart of hearts want to reside.

So tonight (last night for you) with a little push from my post on prayer, and this post here which served as a kick in my bum I taking that first intentional step.  I’d bought a journal to use as a prayer journal months [and months ago, it was on clearance].  I’m beginning to journal my prayers out again.  Blank pages longing to be the vessel in which they carry my voice from my heart to His, and in turn His heart to mine.

I am going to start reading here…

Every time I’ve sought God on where I should read the voice(s) in my head has said John.  I’m unsure of the lessons He has for me written in the black, white & red; but it seems He’s taking me back to basics…for a reason.

If there is one thing I ask of you my friends, is keep me accountable.  Ask me directly how my prayer life, my intimate moments with Christ are.  Don’t be afraid to confront me.  We have gained an amazing community across cables that connect us underground and wifi signals and part of community is accountability.

I’ve been reminded of this the past day or two.  Little nuances in my day that hurtle me back to wanting to be a pray-er.  This morning just recently as I read and commented on this post.

My desire is not to just say I will pray but to actually take the steps to doing it and then doing it.  To not leave the prayer in the skillet on the back burner to get cold and crusty.

Prayer is not only meant to share my heart with God but makes me quiet my heart and listen to His.  While it is important to take petitions to His throne (wow that is such an amazing thought and privilege) my time there shouldn’t be spent trying to get a cart full of items through the express lane.

I want my life to reflect my prayer life.  Listening to His voice as I raise up mine in praise & petition, and allowing my heart to be paralleled with His.

Interestingly, a synonym for request is invitation.  As I pray it should be an invitation to God to speak to me, to align myself with Him.  One doesn’t give an invitation to a intimate moment only to demand all of attention of the person being invited.  Invitation is giving, serving, and in the art of prayer – receiving.

As I was lying in bed last night I just prayed that God would allow me to get some sleep, restful sleep.

He didn’t allow that to happen.

Sometimes when God says no to a prayer request it’s easy to get and understand why God probably said no.  In others like asking for sleep I just don’t get it.

My prayers last night just didn’t consist of me and my sleep.  God brought a continuous flow of people to mind to pray for as I awaited the bliss of dreamland.

Alece – Alece is just going through a lot of crap.  Her Thrive Africa center in South Africa was hit by a tornado.  She’s dealing with the chance of having to let her SA Nationals go that work at Thrive due to lack of funding.  All on top of the personal stuff she’s trying to deal with.

Jenny – Jenny’s come to be a great friend over Twitter & blogging the last month or so.  She and her husband John are leaving for Burundi in a couple weeks.

Anne – Anne is a world traveler extraordinaire and speaking guru.  Since January she’s been to Haiti, Moldova, and Russia serving and ministering and learning.  During her trip to Moldova & Russia she got sick.  Quite sick.  A sick that sent her home early on a jet plane.  Getting home to find out she had a Mono virus.  She has spent the last couple weeks resting at home with her husband & kitties and yesterday boarded a plane to speak at Catalyst West Coast.  This woman is like the Energizer Bunny.

Kelli – Kelli got a new job yesterday.  Which is exciting.  She has two precious (and sometimes precocious) children.  Last year they moved from Michigan to Southern California {can you say culture shock??}.

Crystal – I’ve only started following Crystal on Twitter fairly recently.  She’s seven years sober from a porn addiction.  This week she started tackling another addiction – food.  God just really laid on my heart that she would seek Him and find her sustenance in Him rather than food.

Just because for some reason God didn’t allow my body to get the sleep I would have liked doesn’t mean He didn’t hear my pray or that for the women above.  He hears and answer’s accordingly.  I refuse to lose hope just because I didn’t get an answer to prayer I would have liked.

The country and her people obviously need prayer and financial support.  Their lives have been stripped of the little they had to absolute nothingness.  I started thinking how exactly do you pray in situations like this?  It’s a little late to ask God to intervene and not allow the earthquake to happen.  I know to pray for comfort for those who’ve lost loved ones.  That those who are alive still would be found quickly.  But how else should one pray?

As I was writing this the thought passed of which is easier?  To give financially or to pray?  I was reminded of the story where Jesus forgave the lame man of his sins and the Pharisees accused Him of blasphemy.  Jesus said which is easier?  For me to say your sins are forgiven or get up, pick up your mat and walk.  Jesus was saying it’d be much easier for me to just heal him, but I’m the Son of God.  I think for some it is easier to just send $50 to a relief organization and call it done.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t give.  As Christians we are called to care of the widows, orphans, and the poor.  What I’m saying is evaluate your heart.  Ask God to break your heart for these people.  Pray for them in whatever way God leads you.

I would also ask you to consider once the dust has settled so to speak to pray about sponsoring a child through Compassion International whether in Haiti or elsewhere.

Transparency:  Five years ago when the tsunami hit Indonesia I was in a completely different place in my faith than I am now.  Since then God has shattered my heart for those in poverty.  I regret the attitude I had back then, and am now grateful that God daily teaches me how to love like Him.

I had insomnia last night and decided to perpetuate it even more and thought of goals I’d like to accomplish, get closer to in 2010.  I don’t care for resolutions.  I think that is just setting yourself up for failure.  I also don’t think I like goals.  To me it sounds like it is me trying to do it in my own strength, when I can tell you right now I’m going to need some serious God help in all of these.

So here we go, in no particular order, my prayers to God for 2010:

• Become a woman of prayer.  Yes, I’m praying that God would make me a woman of prayer.  I’ve experienced that prayer does move mountains.  I want to be a mountain mover.
• Live missionally.  Last May I got a tattoo on my wrist that says “Missio”.  It is Latin for sent.  I was thinking the other day that it’s taken me about 18 years of being a Christian to actually learn what being a Christian means.  God sent us to be missionaries to our friends, family, society, culture.  I didn’t endure an immense amount of pain in my wrist for pretty lettering, I did it as a reminder of how I’m supposed live – sent.
• Drop 15-20 pounds.  I’ve lost 32 pounds over the last two years (I got unmotivated at times).  I need to lose more.  This means changing my eating habits and exercising.  Since I’m still recovering from foot surgery I’m not sure what exercise is going to look like for a while.  I plan on asking my dr. what I can do when I see him next.
• Passion for my marriage (in all aspects).  God created us to be passionate people, why wouldn’t He want to bless in this way?
• Passion for the Bible.  I know me.  I’m not expecting to read it everyday (gasp I know).  I’d like to at least have more passion for reading it.  If that ends up being everyday that my spiritual growth will be better because of it.

I’m sure there are more but this is all I can think of/remember at the moment.  What are you praying that God would accomplish in your life in 2010?